More updating....Yesterday. Interesting from many aspects.
At work, I was walking down the hall in the main building, and here comes.....monster. from the other direction. I looked her right in the eye and kept right on walking as I was. She averted her gaze, and then when she was right in front of me, made a right turn and walked directly across my path about 1/2 an arms length in front of me, said "excuse me" in a weird tone of voice, and went into an empty office. Weird....I still cant figure out what the heck she was doing, it was obviously purposeful. very odd.
In email, H made this comment:
Quote: I guess it will be nice to have a fire and the kid’s home to watch movies in front of the fire, our circle will be whole again. We even have Sid, a new member in the circle now. He looks so cute in his rain coat!
I told H I was concerned about the challenge of D and SIL moving in with us...Got this in reply:
Quote: First of all stop fretting I think we will endure this. We have made it through a lot tougher times. I am so ready for some vacation time, I am tired of stressing with this damn job!! I sure love you! Your D
I took this to be a really good sign of reconnection, although the "think" concerned me at first!
When H got home in the evening, we were talking about our day, and H put his arms around me and kissed me, very lovingly...and said "I love you so much, you really are the perfect one for me"...hugged me and held me for a minute. THIS is what has been missing the last few weeks when I've been feeling taken for granted.
he did talk about how burned out he is at work, and needing to get to some workshops to perk him up. I know he's burnt out, terribly. and I worry about it. Not sure what to do.
I did tell him about my weird monster encounter. He was incredibly unemotional about it, which I thought was great! he said he knew exactly what I meant, that's the kind of weird stuff she does with him, makeing a big scene when there is nothing to make a scene about, and that he doesnt know what she thinks she's doing either but it irritates the crap out of him and she's just really weird, that her whole family is weird (you can tell when her sister comes in the door at church with out turning your head to look by the way she walks, kind of a loud "stalking"; this in a congregation of good size....hundreds). I told h I had the urge to reach out and choke or trip her as she walked in front of me, he said he's felt that way too. Then I told him I'd also thought of sticking my head in the door after her and raising my eyebrows and saying "oooohhhh, I've had lots of fun in here!". It was the office we were "naughty" in a couple of months ago. I still get the "hots" remembering how "suave and debonair" H looked then...I sure saw what monster saw then!
Then, H shared an interesting tidbit with me. Fascinating. I've thought about it a lot, and keep remembering someone, I think Snodderly, commenting that "in time all things are revealed"...I think there's a lesson here for a lot of us. H commented on how he couldnt stand her emotionality and constant drama and anger and demands. said they drove him crazy and infuriated him. I managed to bite my tongue and refrain from reminding him of all the fights we had and fits I threw and the time I pitched his frozen lunch across the room at him...certainly no benefit to be had from reminding him of that stuff if it's not what's foremost in his mind when he thinks of me/us!!!!!!!
H said that is what he told her, that he would stand up for me and it infuriated her even more, telling her that I was kind and gentle and patient. And that her demands were what finally clinched it. That she blew up, threw a fit, and said "that's it, you chose, right now!" and he told her "ok, I do. I chose the one who knows how to really love me and it isnt' you". I commented "I bet that really fired her up!" and he said "Oh, yeah". Then it dawned on me, I'm sure that is when she tried to run him down with her SUV (God, I still cringe to think of that, he would have been laying somewhere hurt or dead, and I would have never known where he was for a long time). And, I bet that is exactly what was going on the time in early summer when he was so mournful and upset and was wanting to read my "Men in Midlife Crisis" book, went for a "long walk" (aka monster visit), came home and when I showed him I'd gotten it out for him, said "thanks, it's ok, I don't need it, my mlc has been resolved"....wow. I will have to look back in my threads to see when that was.
In bed, we snuggled each other...no ml, just affectinate snuggling, which is just as good! I told H how much it means to me, how I love to feel his warm strong arms around me, that I look forward to it, and that sometimes during the day I'm hit with wishing so much I could just hold/hug him for a minute. and he said "Really, or are you just making that all up?"....I meant every word of it and told him so, even got teary. h didnt say much, but it is true, and still sadens me that he would doubt it.
I was really struck by what he said about monster's demands driving him away. I remember so vividly all the folks here who kept telling me to hang on, be patient, drop the rope and let her hang herself. I just couldnt believe it would ever happen, but that is exactly what did.
Although I do recall thinking from time to time that what she was doing didnt seem like anything that had ever worked with H in all the years I'd known in him, and in fact had had an adverse effect. Guess I was right, and I did know him better than she did.
