ok, updating: It's been kind of interesting since I posted last. Good, I think, but interesting. So, to see if I can recap the highlights.
I've been thinking H is too much back to "before the A" mode, which I don't want to happen. although he is in many ways quite different in that he seems happier and more content and is much more pleasant and involved. I guess when I say "too much back" what I mean is that it sometimes seems like he could be close to taking us for granted again....but last night that seemed to not be the case. I'll post about that in a minute.
Thanksgiving we went to my parents. H was pleasant, patient and cheerful, although quiet (my parents are "different", they can be extremely trying). Saturday night we met my sister & her family from out of town, along with my parents, for dinner. Again, H was pleasant and cheerful and didnt even complain about going, even though it took a long time to get our food and my parents were late getting there. These things would have previously set him off for days of complaining.
We only ml 1X during the entire weekend. BUT, it was at H's initiation and he had no performance problems at all. Interesting to me, it hasnt been that long ago that he couldnt perform or couldnt finish. I have no idea what the difference is. I dont' see that it's me.
H holds me and snuggles me at night, comes back to bed on weekend mornings to snuggle and snooze (he gets up early to feed critters, used to also call monster then )
I worked and worked a good part of the weekend moving S's stuff into the smaller bedroom so D and SIL can have the one he's in. H was not real "involved" in doing much (par for the course) but he did cheerfully do some things I asked him to, and even took the intiative to take out some of the furniture that needed to be moved while I was gone picking up shelves. He mentioned that he had done it, saying "I thought you would want me to"...I guess I've learned from dbing...when he said that it occurred to me that he was needing recognition/approval, so I told him "yes, thanks so much, that helps a lot and I really appreciate it".
Sunday evening, As S and I were working in the room, H wondered in and out several times. Didnt say much. just looked around and walked out...maybe lonely???? At one time S went downstairs, and I asked him what his dad was doing, he replied "watching tv and looking sad"...shortly after H came up and asked if we were going to watch a movie. Actually I hadnt planned to, but I said "yes, I want to, I'm almost done"...stopped what I was doing and went down and we watched a movie together. These things reaffirm for me that QT and WOA are major ll's for H.
I've been going to start working again on initiating sex more....but want to start out slowly since every now and then I got a weird reaction from H before...So, on Saturday morning I was sitting at the dining room table reading the paper when H cut through with his shirt off and wearing a really sexy pair of workout shorts on his way to lift weights. I said "OOOOHHHH MY"""". H stopped dead in his tracks and said "what?????" very defensively and kind of irritated...I got up, went to him, and started running my hands over his chest and back, told him "I can't resist you and if you're going to run around naked in front of me you have to be prepared to face the consequences"...he acted flustered, said "I'm not naked!" to which I told him "close enough"...and he said "I'm just trying to go work out"...I told him "I'm not stopping you"...and let him go. BUT, it was later that afternoon that he initiated ml.
At one time during the weekend, he mentioned how the little gifts I sometimes give him help him to know I care. I said "so getting presents helps you feel loved?" (been asking him point blank for months with no answers!) and he said "thats one of the things" Which means there's more, but Voila! progress!
One night, Friday I think, I just fell in bed exhausted, on my side. H asked "why arent you holding me?". I told him I didnt know, guessed I was just almost asleep. He said "well sometimes I really need you to hold me to help with the bad dreams and stuff". PT love language????
Is it possible someone can have nearly EVERY love language as a need at almost the same level of intensity????????That could explain a lot.
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