but I've read some of YoYo's phone convos w/her H and they amaze me. Errrmmmm...I hope not in a bad way!!! I have to say that I think that they only thing that is not going down the drain is our s@x life. *sigh* Even with all these yoyo-ing and sh@t in our M, I guess when it comes to s@x, we still have the hots for each other. I guess in the DBING sense, if that is the only connection that we have, I guess that's what I have to use to my favour. The other thing is that ow absolutely has NO boobs....so, am using that to my favour too. Am flaunting it more with my updated wardrobe. I am normally the very conservative frumpy mummy. But no more..and to be honest...it did give me a kind of confidence boost....
I have been feeling kinda down and dejected lately and not wanting to do any DBING stuff. In fact, I've been rather negative and derailing from positives that I am receiving. Just in no mood to continue......but I guess lurking in this BB kinda does steer one to continue with the DBING efforts... I've been holding back with filling up my children's application forms for the school in COuntry X...but after speaking to my mentor and seeing that I should use whatever positive means to steer my position to be a more positive one, I guessed I will do it.... At least, even if it doesn't work out, it won't be my fault. I've done my best...so, I will go home and fill up those d@mn forms.
my bras are all getting kinda shabby... What are you waiting for?? Go out and buy those matching sets girl!!! Nothing is sexier than a set of matching bra and undies.... Hee Hee... In fact, I bought four sets of matching bras and undies on my short break away... Designs that I normally wouldn't have bought... lilac coloured , baby-blue.... mmmmmm yum yum.... Have been giving little hints to H about what I've bought.... wet his appetite for me...
Read in one of your previous post that you will start being the initiator... Don't know if you have read the book "Make Up, Don't Break Up". In the book, it says that women are generally the "connection guardians" and if women don't initiate the connection, usually connection will be "lost". So, go ahead and initiate contact.... Don't be dejected if H is not sooo warming to your connection attempt...try later... Just don't stop!!!
Hi YoYo, thanks for stopping by. I read your thread almost everyday, but don't post a lot because you do so well, I don't have anything to add! I will stop by today though, and share a few thoughts for what they may be worth. Regarding my comment about reading your phone convos w/your H.... (think I said I was amazed).
About your phone sex convo's with your H amazing me in bad way...... quite the contrary! or maybe I should say bad in a good way! they are inspirational...I guess I've always been so..ahem...inhibited....that I am honestly clueless about how a person would go about such things! It occured to me that it would be such a 180 for me to do something similar, it would probably shock the bejeebers out of H. A good way to keep him on his toes! i havent done it yet, but I plan to write him a letter of such. Havent yet got the nerve to call him, LOL!
Quote: I am normally the very conservative frumpy mummy.
oh, ouch! I hear you...thats been me for way too long, hence the titles of my last nine or ten threads!
Quote: my bras are all getting kinda shabby... What are you waiting for?? Go out and buy those matching sets girl!!!
well, this is a frustration to me. I am looking for something sexy that shows off some cleavage (yep, gotta use what we got, gals!!!! monster's flat as a board, and H is a boob guy!). and frankly in this two- horse town, it's hard to find anything in my size that doesnt look like a lunch-lady bra. In fact I shocked a little old sales lady in Dillards so, that I thought she was going to faint dead away. I told her I wanted the sexiest black push-up bra they had...the look on her face was....priceless. sigh.........it's really hard for me to find anything large enough even at Vicky S. I've found an internet site that may have what I'm looking for, though.
I haven't read "Make Up Don't Break Up", I'd like to. Who is the author????
Hi Ellie and dfb! yes, you are so right...I'm still looking though for new "goodies", didnt have much time last week. I need to visit Vicky S, sometimes they have stuff that will fit and fills the bill.
ok, updating: It's been kind of interesting since I posted last. Good, I think, but interesting. So, to see if I can recap the highlights.
I've been thinking H is too much back to "before the A" mode, which I don't want to happen. although he is in many ways quite different in that he seems happier and more content and is much more pleasant and involved. I guess when I say "too much back" what I mean is that it sometimes seems like he could be close to taking us for granted again....but last night that seemed to not be the case. I'll post about that in a minute.
Thanksgiving we went to my parents. H was pleasant, patient and cheerful, although quiet (my parents are "different", they can be extremely trying). Saturday night we met my sister & her family from out of town, along with my parents, for dinner. Again, H was pleasant and cheerful and didnt even complain about going, even though it took a long time to get our food and my parents were late getting there. These things would have previously set him off for days of complaining.
We only ml 1X during the entire weekend. BUT, it was at H's initiation and he had no performance problems at all. Interesting to me, it hasnt been that long ago that he couldnt perform or couldnt finish. I have no idea what the difference is. I dont' see that it's me.
H holds me and snuggles me at night, comes back to bed on weekend mornings to snuggle and snooze (he gets up early to feed critters, used to also call monster then )
I worked and worked a good part of the weekend moving S's stuff into the smaller bedroom so D and SIL can have the one he's in. H was not real "involved" in doing much (par for the course) but he did cheerfully do some things I asked him to, and even took the intiative to take out some of the furniture that needed to be moved while I was gone picking up shelves. He mentioned that he had done it, saying "I thought you would want me to"...I guess I've learned from dbing...when he said that it occurred to me that he was needing recognition/approval, so I told him "yes, thanks so much, that helps a lot and I really appreciate it".
Sunday evening, As S and I were working in the room, H wondered in and out several times. Didnt say much. just looked around and walked out...maybe lonely???? At one time S went downstairs, and I asked him what his dad was doing, he replied "watching tv and looking sad"...shortly after H came up and asked if we were going to watch a movie. Actually I hadnt planned to, but I said "yes, I want to, I'm almost done"...stopped what I was doing and went down and we watched a movie together. These things reaffirm for me that QT and WOA are major ll's for H.
I've been going to start working again on initiating sex more....but want to start out slowly since every now and then I got a weird reaction from H before...So, on Saturday morning I was sitting at the dining room table reading the paper when H cut through with his shirt off and wearing a really sexy pair of workout shorts on his way to lift weights. I said "OOOOHHHH MY"""". H stopped dead in his tracks and said "what?????" very defensively and kind of irritated...I got up, went to him, and started running my hands over his chest and back, told him "I can't resist you and if you're going to run around naked in front of me you have to be prepared to face the consequences"...he acted flustered, said "I'm not naked!" to which I told him "close enough"...and he said "I'm just trying to go work out"...I told him "I'm not stopping you"...and let him go. BUT, it was later that afternoon that he initiated ml.
At one time during the weekend, he mentioned how the little gifts I sometimes give him help him to know I care. I said "so getting presents helps you feel loved?" (been asking him point blank for months with no answers!) and he said "thats one of the things" Which means there's more, but Voila! progress!
One night, Friday I think, I just fell in bed exhausted, on my side. H asked "why arent you holding me?". I told him I didnt know, guessed I was just almost asleep. He said "well sometimes I really need you to hold me to help with the bad dreams and stuff". PT love language????
Is it possible someone can have nearly EVERY love language as a need at almost the same level of intensity????????That could explain a lot.
More updating....Yesterday. Interesting from many aspects.
At work, I was walking down the hall in the main building, and here comes.....monster. from the other direction. I looked her right in the eye and kept right on walking as I was. She averted her gaze, and then when she was right in front of me, made a right turn and walked directly across my path about 1/2 an arms length in front of me, said "excuse me" in a weird tone of voice, and went into an empty office. Weird....I still cant figure out what the heck she was doing, it was obviously purposeful. very odd.
In email, H made this comment:
Quote: I guess it will be nice to have a fire and the kid’s home to watch movies in front of the fire, our circle will be whole again. We even have Sid, a new member in the circle now. He looks so cute in his rain coat!
I told H I was concerned about the challenge of D and SIL moving in with us...Got this in reply:
Quote: First of all stop fretting I think we will endure this. We have made it through a lot tougher times. I am so ready for some vacation time, I am tired of stressing with this damn job!! I sure love you! Your D
I took this to be a really good sign of reconnection, although the "think" concerned me at first!
When H got home in the evening, we were talking about our day, and H put his arms around me and kissed me, very lovingly...and said "I love you so much, you really are the perfect one for me"...hugged me and held me for a minute. THIS is what has been missing the last few weeks when I've been feeling taken for granted.
he did talk about how burned out he is at work, and needing to get to some workshops to perk him up. I know he's burnt out, terribly. and I worry about it. Not sure what to do.
I did tell him about my weird monster encounter. He was incredibly unemotional about it, which I thought was great! he said he knew exactly what I meant, that's the kind of weird stuff she does with him, makeing a big scene when there is nothing to make a scene about, and that he doesnt know what she thinks she's doing either but it irritates the crap out of him and she's just really weird, that her whole family is weird (you can tell when her sister comes in the door at church with out turning your head to look by the way she walks, kind of a loud "stalking"; this in a congregation of good size....hundreds). I told h I had the urge to reach out and choke or trip her as she walked in front of me, he said he's felt that way too. Then I told him I'd also thought of sticking my head in the door after her and raising my eyebrows and saying "oooohhhh, I've had lots of fun in here!". It was the office we were "naughty" in a couple of months ago. I still get the "hots" remembering how "suave and debonair" H looked then...I sure saw what monster saw then!
Then, H shared an interesting tidbit with me. Fascinating. I've thought about it a lot, and keep remembering someone, I think Snodderly, commenting that "in time all things are revealed"...I think there's a lesson here for a lot of us. H commented on how he couldnt stand her emotionality and constant drama and anger and demands. said they drove him crazy and infuriated him. I managed to bite my tongue and refrain from reminding him of all the fights we had and fits I threw and the time I pitched his frozen lunch across the room at him...certainly no benefit to be had from reminding him of that stuff if it's not what's foremost in his mind when he thinks of me/us!!!!!!!
H said that is what he told her, that he would stand up for me and it infuriated her even more, telling her that I was kind and gentle and patient. And that her demands were what finally clinched it. That she blew up, threw a fit, and said "that's it, you chose, right now!" and he told her "ok, I do. I chose the one who knows how to really love me and it isnt' you". I commented "I bet that really fired her up!" and he said "Oh, yeah". Then it dawned on me, I'm sure that is when she tried to run him down with her SUV (God, I still cringe to think of that, he would have been laying somewhere hurt or dead, and I would have never known where he was for a long time). And, I bet that is exactly what was going on the time in early summer when he was so mournful and upset and was wanting to read my "Men in Midlife Crisis" book, went for a "long walk" (aka monster visit), came home and when I showed him I'd gotten it out for him, said "thanks, it's ok, I don't need it, my mlc has been resolved"....wow. I will have to look back in my threads to see when that was.
In bed, we snuggled each other...no ml, just affectinate snuggling, which is just as good! I told H how much it means to me, how I love to feel his warm strong arms around me, that I look forward to it, and that sometimes during the day I'm hit with wishing so much I could just hold/hug him for a minute. and he said "Really, or are you just making that all up?"....I meant every word of it and told him so, even got teary. h didnt say much, but it is true, and still sadens me that he would doubt it.
I was really struck by what he said about monster's demands driving him away. I remember so vividly all the folks here who kept telling me to hang on, be patient, drop the rope and let her hang herself. I just couldnt believe it would ever happen, but that is exactly what did.
Although I do recall thinking from time to time that what she was doing didnt seem like anything that had ever worked with H in all the years I'd known in him, and in fact had had an adverse effect. Guess I was right, and I did know him better than she did.
one of my goals is to get back on track with diet/exercise; so far for the last four days I've been doing pretty well with both. managed to do my aroebic walking tapes 3 of those days. I am shocked at how much better I feel, I think it has to be just from those tapes/exercising again. Incredible. I'm hoping this will be some of the motivation I need to stick with it!!!
another sign of reconnection: yesterday I was so excited, we got a stay one night, get one night free offer from the nice hotel some of D's wedding festivities were at. I showed it to H, said "I think we should take advantage of this"....(D and SIL could keep S for a weekend!) and H said "yes, it would be a nice chance for a little getaway" other than just discounting it or making a million excuses why we can't/shouldnt.
ummmmm hummmmm, this is the day h is in the main building where monster is. I am thinking of doing something wildly out of character for me, and gutsy.
I am seriously considering rereading some of YoYo's phone sex transcripts (I gotta have model to follow, that's how bad it is!) and adapting them and writing them into a card and sealing it in 2 envelopes and leaving it in his mailbox here at work. It would be nice to have his mind on me on Tuesdays instead of on monster!
ok over lunch I wrote a letter to H. An x-rated smoker if I do say so myself. very much a 180 for me. Do I give it to him? I could leave it in his mail box here at work for him to get some time this evening; I could mail it to his out of town office. I could put it in his cereal box or I could put it inside the medicine cabinet where his tooth brush and shaving cream are.
I'm not sure what to do, it's so unusual for me it's scary! I've never done anything like this in my life! I did have an email from him about how busy he is today (no ILY's in it , darn it)....So I don't know how he will respond. it feels like a really big risk. I'm sure he will be surprised if not shocked.
In his email H said monster called in sick today. she looked quite perky yesterday! and that he hasnt laid eyes on her for 2 or 3 weeks, so she must be wanting to run into me. the slimy w---e.
Anyway, any thoughts on my steamy letter???? I still can't believe I wrote this!
Have been giving little hints to H about what I've bought.... wet his appetite for me... 
)
, darn it)....So I don't know how he will respond. it feels like a really big risk. I'm sure he will be surprised if not shocked.