just to update a bit. things are kind of "weird", but I think good....
I find myself "pondering" H....he still yo-yo's between being a sponge for attention, and resenting what he feels is me being "clingy", and I swear, I sometimes have a hard time seeing any difference in the way I'm doing things. I guess that what he sees is clingy is when I am anxious and seeking reassurance from him....so, really trying to NOT give that impression....but then he seems to feel neglected . For example, D and SIL were here for job interviews this past weekend. It was hectic, and I found myself getting caught up in their activities. Note to self: gotta keep priorities straight! anyway, they wanted to look at houses. no money, but wanted to look at houses. so, ok. I got several appts. made to look at some. We asked H to go with us....H didnt want to...so it was like "ok, see you later" and the kids and I went. Left him to his own devices (vices?). I told him I would call him, but my cell phone was ran down so didnt. well, he called D wanting to know where we were, and we met him at home for lunch. he commented to me, while hugging me, "you are taking me for granted". ; I told him I didnt mean to, but that I needed to get some of this stuff done. After lunch, H went with us...cheerfully. so, I don't know if that was good or bad.

H and I stayed home alone and watched a movie together while all the kids were out. H reached over and took my hand and held it, and said he loved me while we were watching. I always see this as a big +++.

Sunday I spent most of the afternoon and evening by myself dejunking two bedrooms, S's and the currently unoccupied one. Something I don't enjoy. and I was unhappy about it. got kind of grumpy and even tearful at the end of the evening. H looked upset and said "oh s--t", almost like he thought I was going to be angry at him. I wasn't, just frustrated that S13 can be such a sloppy kid....but to H's credit, instead of being angry, grumpy, irritable, and/or retreating, he actually sat down at the table and listened to me vent. and was encouraging and validating.

Yesterday (Monday) I had an email that said he had noticed on the leave calendar that monster is on vacation all week so there wouldnt be any anxiety-producing encounters.

Last night at home, he said that one of the other nurses had told him she went with her new "boy toy" to meet his family in Georgia.

this seems interesting, since a week ago she was complaining to H that things weren't going very fast on that front and she hadnt gotten what she wanted. Weird.

I told H that was weird, and he said not knowing her, she is so impatient that it probably wasnt going anywhere very fast. I asked why she would be commenting about that to him, and he said he thought it was weird too, all he could figure was either to rub it in his face or to make a "last ditch" appeal to get him to come back...kind of what I was thinking. H commented "maybe she'll get a ring for christmas" and didnt seem at all said about it, he was matter-of-fact...Boy, would that be the answer to prayers!!!!

This morning he was talking about a really tough couples session he had had...and how that his perspective is that his role/focus is to help people reconstruct their R/M, and that he tells them when they first come to see him that his assumption is that is what they are wanting to do or they wouldnt be there and that will be the focus of the work he will be helping them to do, and that if that is not what they are wanting, they need to be seeing an attorney and not him. I found this really interesting. Fascinating. and weird, still. It's like he's almost done a complete, full circle sweep back to where he used to be. Always a staunch believer in working to preserve M's. For so long he was drifting away from that perspective, and now to hear him coming back to it is strange, but I believe somehow significant. Maybe huge, I don't know, the full impact hasnt sunk in yet.

I had an email from him this morning saying he was having a good day, because he can walk through the halls and into the break room without being anxious about running into monster. Plus, he told me when he's taking off at christmas (used to not do that when he and monster were tight), said "I sure love you" in 2 different emails and that he's looking forward to some time off, and that it will be nice to have the kids home over the holidays, he just dreads helping them get moved (amen to that one)....

been around awhile!