I thought I'd update/journal some. kinda different stuff going on....not quite sure what to think.
Friday, H was loving and romantic again...lots of hugs and ILY's. I was thrilled to have this back, as i thought he had been somewhat distant the last couple of week. we actually discussed that and he had said it has to do with work, absolutely nothing to do with me, and that I have nothing to worry about and worry too much.

Friday afternoon, H initiated ml, and was kinda weird, asking me to tell him stories about sex w/my old boyfriends (old as in a LONG time ago)...I know better than to "tell all", but i played along and told a little. It seemed to really jazz H up. In the night I woke up and H said in his "little boy" voice "I need you to hold me,I can't sleep, I had a bad dream"...so I did....in the morning he told me his bad dream was his own fault, because he was having bad dreams about me being with other guys, and that's what he gets for asking all those questions.

Go figure that one....does that make any sense??????? He has the affair, and yet HE has nightmares about me having sex with other guys? I cant' quite figure it out but it certainly seems ironic.

I told him I didnt plan on doing anything like that, but I could see how frustrating bad dreams could be when your partner has them and you havent done anything to cause them but there's not much you can do to be reassuring. h said "well you can imagine how bad it would be if the person went on and on about them for days and weeks and refused to let it drop"...I thought for a minute, and said "I didnt ever think I was THAT bad about icky dreams" and he said "no, i mean what's her face"...I "got it" then, said "oh, so monster had bad dreams" and he said yes, and she would never let him hear the end of them.

Saturday, H and S were gone all day hunting (first time S has gone) and I stayed home and worked on the family room decor. it was nice to have some time to myself.

Yesterday morning I was pooped and slept in. H got up and went walking. while he was gone, I had a bad dream, I was actually hunting down monster in my dream because she had snuck off with H again. When he got home, he came into the bedroom just as I was waking up. I told him to take off his clothes and get in bed and hold me because I had a bad dream. to my surprised he complied, made some comment about bad dreams being not "worth it"....but then he said "maybe monster wants me back is where all these dreams are coming from, what else could it be"? that kind of upset me, I don't know what the heck he was thinking...I find that kind of upsetting that he'd even say such a thing. I hope he was joking. I made light of it though, told him I was guessing they came from voodoo. told him mine did make me feel like hunting her down and kicking @ss though. H said "better be careful, monster knows "chi gong" or something like that...I told him real sarcastically "oh, I'm scared" and he said "yeah, the only real fight that's in monster is in her mouth". I decided not to spend anymore time on the subject of monster, so stopped talking about her...we snuggled for a while and then ml...

Last night we were discussing D and SIL moving in with us. this really concerns me, and H is not at all pleased about it. I had thought we could move H's books and stuff out of the basement room so they could stay there, but I should have known better. H is really upset at the prospect, and I know better with what I know now about mlc and pressure than to push the issue. I know how important it is to let him be in charge of and in control of his life. Soooooo, it looks like the only other option is to move "stuff" out of the tiny bedroom that is empty, and either move S13 back into it, or put D and SIL in there. It's very very tiny. and just across the hall from our bedroom , but better than making H feel that he has no control say. h even commented that "here it is again, it's my house and my life and I have nothing to say about it"...I validated very quickly, said I know, it's going to be a challenge, and that I hoped they wouldnt need to be here very long, but that it would be less work if we just put them up in the extra bedroom....(didnt mention it will also be less privacy).

I really do dread it, it's just hard haveing them underfoot because they are really messy and have weird schedules (it is nothing for them to be up till 4 am)....I am hoping that at least SIL will have a job located when they move back, although it probably won't pay much.

I don't know, it's kinda weird. I never dreamed I'd find myself in this position after the kids left home.

This morning I had about a 3-sentence email from H at 9 am, havent heard from him since, although he did say "I sure love you" and wished me a good day. Plus monster had the nerve to park right next (and I do mean right next) to me this morning. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! the Brass B--ls! I'm thinking i won't say a word to H about it because it gives her more credence than she deserves. Ordinarily I'd be complaining to him. or maybe I'll just mention it casually. I don't know.

I wonder if I will EVER get past the point of being made anxious by her.

I do see that Slowly is at much the same point though, so maybe it's not totally irrational.

Oh yeah, I was reading "after the affair" last week, left it on the sofa, and now I can't find my book. I'm thinking H must have picked it up. don't know if that's good or bad, but I did want to finish my book! Havent decided yet if I'm going to ask him about it or not.

been around awhile!