ok, to "catch up" my sitch here, i can't quite decide if things are "normal" or "weird", and of course I'm having a tough time not being anxious. As Nevanna said I'm good at 2nd guessing any positives.
I was pretty shook about our "blow up" Tuesday night, and when we got in bed, H said something, don't remember what, that kind of set me off, I thought I was going to get tearful so I got up and left the room. A bit later I decided I was over reacting and tired to boot, so went back to bed, told him I needed a hug, he said "you do" and gave me one. then he apologized for being so grumpy, and kind of explained. The female co-worker in the out of town office is leaving the state in the spring to marry a guy who lives hundreds of miles away whom she met in the summer at a wedding dance. She dumped her live-in when she met the guy she is going to marry. She is pretty weird to work with lately from what H says, as she is upset that plans have already been made to move someone into her slot and fill it up, so she'd grumpy and pouty and not wanting to do much work. Well, H said that it had been a hard day with her because she is so wound up, and that he is "extra sensitive now to that snotty mouth stuff because it was so abusive with monster"...sets his teeth on edge. And that he was personally disappointed to see how fast she dumped the guy she was with when a "better deal" came along. That is really upsets him anymore to see such a lack of commitment and always looking for the best deal. He apologized for bringing it home and being so grumpy, I apologized for being so snappish. H said he "just wasnt expecting that"...
So, hopefully this is "normal", but it's still somewhat worrying to me because I feel like he is still hurt from monster. I wish he could get past it already.
Yesterday AM I got this email:
Quote: Deb; I’m waiting on pt. so I thought I’d fire off an e-mail. I hope your day is going good. (co-worker) seems to be in a better mood today. Damn, I hate moody people!! I am sorry for being so grumpy last night, just a frustrating day. I sure love you. Later D
I wrote back that sometimes I have a tough time because I don't know what's going on with him, and am learning new ways to relate, that it really is like a new R, and sometimes i'm afraid we're headed in the wrong direction. Got this response:
Quote: Yep, I love you. Now don’t you stress. We are not going backward, I promise. Later Your D
When he got home from work last night, he gave me a warm hug and nice kiss. For the last 2/3 weeks he hasnt seemed as warm as he had been so it was really nice. I told him that it takes the glow off of the world when something is askew between us. he commented "that was yesterday" and was pleasant.
Later he initiated ml, which had also not been as frequent the last couple of weeks.
this morning he was pleasant, sent me some ILY responses in emails. Stopped by my office a bit ago on the way home, and looked really really tired. neither of us is sleeping very well, I don't know why, I wonder if it has to do with the time change. a male coworker in the out of town office has said he's having the same problem according to H.
So, I guess it't just a matter of gaining confidence, in dealing with the ups and downs...obviously H is still kinda bruised emotionally, and I sure as heck am.
I am trying to be lighter and not so "worried" about stuff. I know my anxiety is hard for him to deal with.
