Hey all, thanks for the insights on the email sitch. i've been busy and havent posted for ages on my thread, thought I'd take time to jot down a bit.
I did discuss the emails with H...he agreed that it was not in his best interest that he respond to her as he did, however he did clarify his reactiveness. Evidently this has been a huge issue with monsters job performance, that she does not respond in a timely fashion to clients needs, and a number of the clinicians have filed grievances against her for just such, evidently her supervisor has a huge file of of complaints against her (now why they don't just get rid of her I'll never know)...and h said he really does feel that his clients are getting the short end of the stick because of personal stuff. He did say she had emailed him to apologize...not good in my book, NO CONTACT MEANS NONE. but, the fact is that at this point we all have jobs at the same place, so it's hard avoid completly.
Wednesday morning, I was over in the main building for a meeting, h was across the hall from the meeting room waiting for the coworker to be ready to leave with him for the out of town office, we exchanged brief greetings and pleasantries and I walked on into the break room to get some coffee before the meeting, and up the hall comes monster. Past H...I was coming out the door of the breakroom, as another (male) coworker was coming in the door with a BIG box of doughnuts...and hot on his tail, with her feet literally almost going under his, comes monster, just about knocked me into the wall. I just gave her a disgusted look and continued on. Funny thing was the Director (my supervisor) had stopped beside the door as I was coming out and saw the whole thing, and said to monster "so what, are you chasing the doughnut man now?" I thought that was a pointed little dig, more pointed that monster knows, I'd guess.
Later that day I got an email from h saying something about the encounter, dont remember what, but then he said "sorry, I shouldnt tease you, I just find it ironic that the more we try to avoid someone, the more we run into her"...I mentioned monster running over the guy with the doughnuts, and H said "oh Yeah, she LOVES doughnuts, along with any other junk she can stuff in her mouth"...
So, sometimes H jokes about monster, maybe that is good, according to "not just friends" that is a good sign...
Also on Wednesday I had an email from H that the male co-worker in the out of town office is totally "smitten" and infatuated with the "new" female coworker who is going to be starting in that office. that he was really upset that she will be there some days when he wasnt. H commented that he was really worried that an A was real possible, and about how that would screw up the workings of the office so badly (uh, yes, H!). H said "I don't know what to do,I guess I'm going to have to have a talk with "the kids". How the hell did I get to be the wise old man in this stuff?" I emailed back that he got there by graduating from the school of hard knocks. The next day H mentioned that he had spoken to the male co-worker about it in the car on the way back, and the co-worker said "no, we're JUST FRIENDS"...H said he told him "I have a book you need to read". H has evidently been reading my copy of "Not Just Friends", which he claimed he needed to take to the office because he'd assigned it as homework for someone. himself? I wish. But I still think it's a good sign that he's approaching this subject like this with the coworker.
H has seemed a teeny bit more distant to me for the last 2 weeks, but he hasnt been feeling well, kind of an upset stomach, headachy type of bug, plus his back has been hurting, evidently he strained it lifting weights. I tend to get anxious and clingy when he backs off for any reason, which pushes him further away. So, I've been really working on controlling my anxiety, sometimes literally going back to biting my tongue and going into other rooms. h has apologized several times for being distant, told me that I have nothing to worry about, although saying that my anxiety does get to him at times, but he recognizes my efforts keep a damper on it, and appreciates it.
In the night Wednesday/Thursday early morning, I woke up to the sound of H going out of the bedroom, he went downstairs and was gone 1/2 hour (yes, I looked at the clock)...I became quite anxious, holding back tears, fought the urge to go downstairs looking for him. Then he came upstairs, into the bathroom off our bedroom, I heard him in the medicine cabinet. I pretended to be asleep. then he came into the bedroom, sounding kind of panicky, and asked me where the diarrhea medicine was, said he was sick and couldnt seem to find it. I got up and found it for him, he seemed to be REALLY not feeling well. So, I guess it was a case of "Itchy Butt Syndrome" as Ellie talks about. Points out to me how overly anxious I still am. It is just so hard.
We havent ml all week which is unusual, but besides H not feeling too well, we've both been tired and really busy at work, so I try not to stress on it. This morning H did say we'd have some "snuggle time" when I get home!!!!
Also this morning H was more "snuggly" and "mushy" than he has been for the past week, which was very nice. I find I crave this anymore, because for years i didnt get it! Anyway, he was holding me, I had my head on his shoulder, and I commented that sometimes I'm still overwhelmed by the thought of what my life would have been like without him. H said again that "you don't need to worry"...I told him, 'I'm not really worrying, just every now and then I get blown away by the thought".
Then h did an interesting thing. He turned the conversation to the phone bill ????????????...said that we had gotten a statement saying that this month we owed 21 cents. Then he went and got the phone bill and showed it to me. flipped through several of the pages. I didn't see it real closely, but did see that it said our "current usage" amount was 13.00, which is the standard flat fee. So, it would lead me to believe that H is no longer calling monster. He said a month ago that "you can look at the phone bill if you want to"...I said I didnt want to.
I had been thinking about asking to see it, actually, in my anxiety lately. was just thinking about that yesterday in fact. I've been thinking about what I need to help me with my anxiety, as suggested in "After the Affair"...it even mentions asking to see the phone bill.
I would very much like to think that H's showing me the phone bill was an effort on his part to reassure me. I'm certain he wouldnt be showing it to me if there was any incriminating evidence for me to see.
