Ok, to update a little, havent posted for over a week. guess I'll start "now" and work backwards. Already grumped about today and ow's "in your face" trick....got an email back from H that she is honoring his "no contact" request, and it ended with "I love you, quit stressing!!!!".... last night, H initiated ML...had no problems. I get severall emails from him every day now saying ILY and signed "your D"...SO different from how he has ever been.
I havent slept well for several nights, he used to be hateful, now he is comforting...says he's sorry I cant sleep, offers to hold me....So different, again.
Also last night, he was talking about that we should go over to the little town his other office is in and tour a mansion and have lunch and look around....which would be fun, and a start towards going out to do things together. I agreed I'd love to, so now to encourage him to make specific plans.... One of my goals now is to have us go out to do stuff every now and then....we shall see how well I've developed my db skills, this will be a bigger challenge that it sounds.
This past weekend was frantically busy, I had to work extra, so we didnt get to spend much "snuggle time". I was also kind of clingy and weepy, didnt cry in front of H but was sad in my heart because of today....I knew the date is today, but it would have been on a Saturday, which in my mind was this past one....PLUS, H was cranky, distant and grumpy....not a good combination at all. in the past we would have wound up with some kind of not-so-good interaction. this time, we handled it totally different....H complained about me being clingy....I really struggled, but I pushed myself and told him what was on my mind. it was scary, but he was very sweet and reassuring and loving, and told me that what was wrong with him was having had a really tough week at work, and being frustrated by it. I told him that helped me a lot, because my fear is always that monster is back when he pulls away from me. I think this was Friday....Saturday he invited me to walk with him, we had a good time. At one point, he came up behind me unexpectedly in the family room and another time in the kitchen, grabbed me playfully from behind and said "ILY"....several other times he made a point of telling me that, and then said "see, I'm trying to be extra loving this weekend because it's a hard one for you. I told him yes, I noticed, and that it helps so much and I appreciate it.
We almost have his weight machine put together! then he can start coaching me....I'm not sure if that's exciting or not....
in the last 2 weeks, H has: --commented that he threw away the little gifts she gave him...puzzles, stuffed animals, etc., --commented that he thinks we have a loving home, that you can tell that even from the way the animals act (boy is that a complete turn around from the days when every thing stunk and it was all my fault), --a week ago, commented to me that he'd moved 2 chairs in the family room into the bay window by the bistro table so we could "drink coffee in the morning"...I thought that was big...we havent sat down to drink coffee there yet, I gotta make that a goal. --Started to really emphasize how he wants to get the basement that isnt taken over with his workout equipment turned into a game room, so we all have "fun things to do that are interactive instead of just watching tv".... --Started reading Not Just Friends. I never said one word about that, he said he'd like to see it, so I laid it on the table, I did comment that it helped me a lot and it took me a long while to read it because it was so vivid. Now, he has taken it to work to read, with the comment that he needed to read it because he'd assigned it to a couple he sees in therapy to read. THAT really strikes me as big....and certainly a 180 from the days when he'd throw books at me. --H has talked a lot about his "no contact" rule with monster, that any communication they cant' avoid is cc'd to her supervisor, "so there's always a 3rd party, it's never just between us and it's always only work related and when it cant' be avoided"....this afternoon even he emailed me this. AND, it's straight out of Not Just Friends. Weekend before last, we were in the basement putting his equipment together, talking about "stuff" (the A, monster, us) and I mentioned the time he came home and somehow the outside door was locked, ( I honestly have no idea how that happened) and he started screaming and yelling and cussing "let me in!"...I asked him why he reacted so severely, and he said, in tears, "I was terrified, I was so scared I would lose you and all of this"...go figure. --H also told me the night I found him shacked up with monster (Jan. 2, 2004), that she had told him not to come home, that I would shoot him because I'd taken his gun out of his truck....and that she went on and on about it. I asked if he really believed that, and he said no, that's why he came home.... Also commented about that night "she'd have had me if you'd have done that much more". --H also commented that monster had "done everything she could for 2 years and none of it worked"
This morning I told him I appreciated how patient he's been with me this weekend (I've had a hard time for some reason, as I said kinda weepy and clingy), and he said "you've been patient with me".
