Life is so busy these days I'm just not getting/finding time to post. Maybe that's good, I don't know...I do try to check around and keep up with some folks threads here, but even that I don't get done much. I do need to journal to keep track of things, though.
Ellie and dfb: thanks for your thoughts on S taking the sat/act's...after thought and discussion and speaking w/school counselor and math teacher and S, we've decided to let him take it. The least that could happen is that he will know what it's like early on and gain the experience... best would be that he would qualify for some neat experiences that he cant get locally. He's in the gifted program at school, but it's pretty limited. I feel like he needs MORE to be challenged, the kid is bored. and when he's bored he gets lazy....although he refers to that program as his "life saver". They let them use calculators now, so that will help him with the math part. I spoke with his math teacher who has recommended a tutor whom she says is very good with different learning styles, so need to check that out. Ellie, you asked what his problems are, and honestly I'm not quite sure, he is a very visual/spatial learner...doesnt do well by "rote" learning. he knows the basic facts, but not "instantly"...has to think..and i think lacks confidence. interestingly, he does much better in geometry and algebra. weird.
YoYo...yes, it is tough, very tough, working all in the same place. there have been days when I would just set a my desk and fight back tears, and having to be in the proximity was horrible (my office is in a different building) and things life all-staff meetings and annual dinners would absolutely knock me on the floor. Even now it is painful to look back on how hard it was. Seeing her car in the parking lot made me nuts, not seeing it made me nuts, seeing her name on the leave calendar made me nuts (usually with good reason). Ever so slowly that is going away, although I still hope and pray that she will find a job somewhere else.
to update on sitch...actually things are for the most part calm and good, very busy, we are still working on getting the homegym put together, slowly progressing, and H is really wanting to get a pool table, etc., down in the basement with it. He commented that he wants us to have some "interactive things people do together that are fun, not just watching tv". I took that as a big positive!!!!!! certainly a change from the days when he wanted to be nowhere near any of us, let alone interacting. H has also volunteered to be my personal trainer/fitness coach. We have to get the rest of the equipment up first, but that will be nice. I think I will enjoy it much more and be more committed if H is showing me how to work out and helping me do it and working out with me. I'm excited, but think I'll keep my fitness center membership.
H has FINALLY FINALLY after all this time instituted a "no contact" rule with ow monster and seems to be making it stick....even professionally he has told her no contact, he will go through some one else. evidently she emailed him asking if she could bring some medication samples to him for him to give a patient (this is what she used to do/use as an excuse to see him), and he told her he wanted no contact, that there was no reason for her to contact him about it, just to put the persons name on it and leave it in his mail box. She then gave some type of nasty reply, to which H says he suggested she might want to apply for a job at the hospital, he'd heard there were numerous openings, and hasnt heard a word from her by his report. I tend to believe him because he's pretty unemotional when he talks about it, and sees her evidently as more of an aggravation then a "lost love".
A couple of comments that H made this past week about monster have stuck in my mind. don't remember the day, but he said he had told her that I called her "wonder woman" (yes, I remember doing that, told h the wonder was how the he-l she managed to pull all the crap she did and suck in all the guys she does.), and that she got really ticked off. That he had gotten so sick of the way she treated him that it eventually got to the point of hating to see her. that she was so mean and nasty...said that one snowy winter day a year ago this past Jan, she had stayed home on a 'snow day" with her daughter, called him at the out of town office, saying how lonely she was and couldnt he leave work and come be with her; said he'd told her he couldnt but would try to get out early and stop by but couldnt stay long. he had cancellations, left the office early, drove through snowy roads he didnt even think he'd make it through for 60 miles, and walked in her door and she said "what are you doing here"...he was puzzled and said 'you asked me to come" and she said "you cant stay long', and he said no he couldnt but he did the best he could, and she blew up...he said he was leaving, and she pushed him out the door and was kicking snow off her porch on him. The really hard thing about this is I remember that day....fully well....I knew he had left work, confronted him and got a lie that made know sense, and was just sick at heart and so sad about it. it hurts even to recall it now, but in hindsight I can see that monster was cooking her own goose.
H also said that he had told her that he would always love me (I let myself take that as sweet) and that she had "blown sky high" on that one....
I told h about some of the info I've found on the web...about ow and her x etc., and h wanted to know if I had his email address...didnt but got it....H says he's going to email him some info...porno sex sites of herself ow has, I believe, because H believes that the guy needs to know to protect their D....scary stuff to me. I can't imagine. However, again in hindsight things become clear. I remember when I was scared and mystified about a year/year and 1/2 ago because H was suddenly talking about "swinging" and internet sex and doing all kinds of weird stuff....such a change for him, I couldnt figure out what was up. Now I see....he was, I believe, comparing my reactions/response to such things to ow's....we've had discussions about that kind of thing lately, I've expressed my opinion that to me it seems unhealthy in an emotional way, in that it 's not an expression of love or even playing between 2 people, or even for pleasure, but more of a "baiting" or "luring" technique....and h agreed. interesting.
Ok, this I've debated about posting, guess I will....I think it's very positive, but it is so out of character for me (and I always would have thought for H, but don't want to go there too much in my mind, for reasons that aren't too hard to guess). It's been a long, long time since I've been in H's office here. since about the time monster came to work here and landed in the office next door to him to be specific. prior to that , I'd stop by a couple of times a week and we'd chat, sometimes have lunch together and gossip, maybe a peck on the cheek behind a closed door. that all stopped within 2 weeks of monsters appearance because it was obvious he didnt want me there. So I stopped going and began to hide.
well this last tuesday, we had an email convo, and I said I was missing him...he replied "well, I'm doing paperwork, you could run over and I'd have time to give you a quick hug"...so I did. His door was shut, I knocked and he opened it and seemed happy to see me. He was wearing his reading glasses, I never see him in them....I was struck by how cute and sexy and sophisticated he looked in them. told him so....he scoffed "oh...." about it. Then he got up and went over and locked the door and there was a nice hug and kiss that led to some VERY heavy petting. i couldnt believe it, I've never done such a thing in my life, although unfortunately I imagine H and monster have. ick. still it was nice, although a person sure wouldnt want to get caught. And the icing on the cake was I heard monster walk by talking in the hall during that time.
Hmmmmm, brings up another thought. for the longest time H had a blanket and pillow in the back of his vehicle. again, drove me nuts but I never said a word. it was there for 2 years. this summer he took it out of the back of his vehicle and unceremonisouly dumped them on the floor in the family room and left them. I left them too, and didnt say a word. they were there for months. now I've picked them up, put them in garbage bags, and they are on the way to either good will or some dumpster some where. I've had them packed for 2 weeks waiting to see if H says anything, he hasnt, but he has to have noticed they are gone. Also, there is a snapshot of H and S and D and I at an alpine lake we always hike to. the pic is about 6 years old. it has ALWAYS been tucked into the mirror on H's side of the dresser...the 1st summer of the a, when I knew something was going on but he was denying it, I noticed that pic was taken down, buried in the basket on the dresser where his wedding ring was (no, he still isnt wearing it, but it is in a place on honor on the dresser, hopefully it's because his finger is still swollen, I just keep "acting as if"...anyway, this summer, just about the time that damnable pillow and blanket came out of the suv, the hiking pic went back up to it's old place in the corner of the mirror. Coincidence? I don't think so.
I'm hoping for a good weekend of getting the gym together, ML and snuggling, watching movies....
I was thinking this week that things still arent where I want them (I have high expectations!) but honestly I believe they are now better than they've ever been between us. still a good ways to go....but we've come so far.
ah, I still have to gloat, though, did my heart a world of good to be in a hot embrace with H and hear ow in the hall.
