Hi dfb, thanks for stopping in and the bump. I know you're so right about he goes back and forth so much. It's scary, and I'm really scared to let my guard down for fear he will retreat again.
However, I am starting to feel more certain day by day...as time goes on, he seems to be becoming much calmer and more certain, more comfortable in his own "skin" and home...the settling down that Snodderly talks of maybe????? I hope, finally, that is it.
Several things lead me to think that we are close to "being there", if not "there"...
Last night when he walked in the door from work, he put his arms around me, kissed me and held me, and said "you don't know how much I love you"....that is new (and nice).
He seems to make a point of saying ILY in emails every day. I never dreamed of being able to get that.
A real clincher came last night though. He mentioned again that he wanted family pictures to take to his out of town office. I had bought the frame some time ago, but not gotten them put in it. there are 4 pictures: one of the 2 of us, one of him and the kids, one of S & D and one of all of us together. Frankly, I think I've put off getting them together because I didnt think he'd want one of the 2 of us, and I knew it would hurt, so I've avoided it. But last night when he asked again, I said Ok, I've been meaning to get that done -- which pictures do you want, and he chose those 4 (actually there are 6 total to choose from). I was happy he picked "ours" but didnt say anything and I asked which one he wanted he wanted first in the frame, and yep, he chose "us". I commented that I'm thinner now, and wished the pics reflected that, and he said we should get some new ones taken. This is a guy who flat out refused for YEARS to take any family pictures. I also got out a collage frame of snapshots of the kids that D put together for him her freshman year at college for Fathers day. She did it for his office, and he never would take it and she was hurt by that. I got that out of the closet for him and dusted it off last night, and he seemed quite happy to have it....before he refused to even look at it, let alone take it to his office. Weird thing is, he evidently has no memory what so ever of D giving that to him, etc. Really strange, but I've read so many comments in the mlc forum about them just plain not remembering stuff.
Also, interestingly, today is casual day at work, and he choose to wear the special rock climbing shirt he reclaimed from ow, commented it would be "in the face"....still so high schoolish, this sniping at each other. I'm guessing it must mean there is still some kind of emotional investment, I dont' know...but I do remember Snodderly telling me several months ago things were going to get interesting and to pull up a seat on the curve and watch their parade go by.
He was talkinng about monster this morning, and said "you don't know the 1/2 of it"...I am truely astounded at this woman...she thrives on creating chaos and drama and misery in her life and in others lives. she is I guess pretty typical of borderline personality disorder....just amazing....very exciting I can see, when you've been around me for so long it would be a complete change.
ummmm, lets see....she always has 3 guys involved with her at the same time....H pretty much knows he wasnt the only one....and then she plays them one against the other to create chaos and get trouble. When she was in college she lived with a drug dealer during the week, while she was dating her fiance on the weekends. She was actually a mule for the dealer....had another druggie she was living with hold a gun to her head. I guess she told H this on their way to "our" vacation spot as they drove through her college town and she started talking about her college days. (She was put on probation for plaguerism and bad grades and cutting classes). Evidently this was the 1st time H began to hear all of this, and it really put up a red flag, that she realized he was picking up on all this and concerned and she became very "quiet" about it. Lord I'd think so!
I cant imagine. I really cant. it is beyond me. And then she has this poor child that she drug from guy's house to guy's house....now she drags one guy after another into the childs home. H said he is guessing the D is really going to be fed up with adults and rebelling big time...
