thought I'd try to update and evaluate and respond to some posts...been a long time since I've done much here. Plus, I havent heard from H this morning, and I STILL have trouble not being anxious about that...
first, Desdamonda...you mentioned on my last thread:
Quote: I thought most therapists were in therapy. To help them process all the negativity that they hear every day.
I wish! It would be helpful to process all the "hard stuff", that's for sure, but I think it's a very cultural thing. My take is that in this area of the country, most of them aren't....and I'd bet especially the males aren't. Kind of the "old west" bootstrap mentality that's still alive and well.
Quote: I know my friend goes off on seminares etc and continues to work on being self actualized.
yes, everyone who's licensed under Behavioral Sciences Regs is required to attend continuing education each year to maintain it, but the requirements specify that it has to be on diagnosis, treatment, and ethics. which kind of adds to the "meat grinder" aspect...not much time left for personal development types of things.
Quote: To help It sounds like your husband is prideful.
interesting that you mention this...i've often debated to myself if his pride is part of the problem. I'm not sure, maybe that is it, but the more I think of it I almost think it's more a lack of self-esteem and a fear of failure coupled with his terribly high expectations of himself. It's like anything less than complete stoic functionality on his part is some kind of failure, and he's worked so hard to stuff his emotional side for so long that now it's all jumbled up and spilling out in really negative ways. I don't know if that makes any sense, and I'm not sure what it means for how I respond and relate, but just something I thought I'd note as it occurred to me.
Quote: I am not sure about the talking. I think I would have loves my husband to just talk truthfully with me like that. Only you know what will work for the two of you
I've been unsure about it too. I now realize that it's been very helpful to me and although it's been painful, it's helping me to get a better understanding of the sitch...and from that I start to see some possible solutions. I actually read in "not just friends" about the talking, that it is necesary for the couple to come to a mutual understanding of the sitch, but sometimes it has to be delayed till it can be "handled", but the guideline is that if you feel some better after 2 days or so (even if it's painful at the time) then it is "working"... I remember when way way back one of my goals was to have H talk to me about what was going on. Part of what was making me so crazy was not having a clue what was going on in his head or between them, and at that time he was not about to open up about ANY of it. So this must be progress. What is your thread, Desdamonda?
Rotzilla, you asked about the exercise. The last 3 weeks i've not done well at all, I got out of the "swing" while we were gone on vacation and have had a tough time getting back. My goal is to make it to work out Friday and Saturday this weekend.
