Well didn't expect to updating this quick but H just rang me, which I certainly didn't expect. He was ringing to see how I was feeling, which I said yeah not too bad and I said are you still pi$$ed at me for Sunday's conversation and he said No I can never be pi$$ed at you, and I said why not and he said I just can't......WTF work that out I can't.......Anyhow he then went on to say that he had an altercation at work with his boss, apparently his boss said he was arrogant and a know it all (Now this is not something I would have called H pre-bomb but it is who he is now). Anyhow H took offence to this and basically told him to stick his job and walked out (after 11 1/2 yrs). His boss followed him and apologised and talked him into staying and said he would speak to him later.
H then asked me if I thought he was arrogant and a know it all and I said well I wouldn't have said that once as you never used to be but over the last few months you have changed, I don't know that I would use those words but I would say your attitude has changed. H said Have I changed that much and I said yeah you have but I am not saying whether that is good or bad as that is for you to work out and H said well people and situations have made it that I have had to change. I just said, Well if that's what you feel and you are comfortable with who you are then that's all that matters. H said he wasn't very sure about much at the moment. I said Oh well nobody said life was easy. H said ain't that the truth....Anyhow we waffled on about the kids a bit and then the conversation ended....
So I don't know what to make of that.....It seems when you close a door they have to stick their foot in it and keep it open. I wouldn't necessarily say this is a positive, but the moment something goes wrong for him he comes running to me to talk it out but at the same time doesn't want anything else. The worst thing is I cannot be cold and aloof with him, I wish I could be but I can't.
This is where this whole thing drives me crazy as I truly believe that H doesn't want me as anything more than a friend but cannot cope if we are not friends and I want him as my lifelong partner and cannot handle being anything but. I don't want friendship as I couldn't handle seeing him with someone else or hearing about it. Talk about confusing.
I think I just have to talk to him when he contacts me but keep a very big line between us and not let him drag me back in b/c that does not serve a purpose to me just to him. You see he doesn't have anyone else to chat with or to help him sort things out in his own head, I have always been that person but that is the only thing he needs me for......I don't know any idea's from you guys that can read between the lines??????KDU
