With my H the fact that we all thought we were seeing positive signs from him awhile ago, I now wonder if that is b/c that is what we all wanted to see. If H had no intentions of ever wanting to make it work with me as he says the damage has been done, then he maybe truly just saw it all as me moving on finally and that I was quite fine to be just friends as he wants it.
I probably shocked him by saying what I did at the weekend but you know what I think I knew this was the case and as much as I didn't want to believe it, I needed to hear that there was no chance in his eyes. I dont want to keep deluding myself and this is very hard to take b/c deep down I hoped he would awake from the fog and realise that I was truly his one great love and he would be better off with me. Now that is not going to happen and I have to accept that in order to move on for me.
As I said I think I knew this and this was just the final stage I had to go through before I could move on to Phase 2, "Looking after me" (Putting myself first instead of H).
It may sound like I am very focused and strong but I am not really, I am facing facts but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt like hell. I don't think I am as strong as a lot of you who seem to be fine with being friends or buddies with your Ex's, that will hurt me to much to be friends as how do you stay friends with someone who has hurt you so much? I would find it too hard and every time I saw him it would remind me of what I cannot have, so I can't see how we can be friends. I will be civil but that is all at the moment.
The less I see him the better I will be able to move on and detach properly as I was finding it alot easier before and this time I have to do it, to truly cast him aside. I know I can do better and I know as long as he blames me for everything and can't see he is to blame as well we would never work it out. Will keep you updated...KDU
