Thanks girls and yes I won't bring it up I will just keep on keeping on in bloody limbo land. Kismet"Cabana Boys" that is so funny but ya know I'd prefer something in between Cabana and Salami as Cabana is quite skinny but then beggars cannot be choosers. Enough this is going nowhere and just making me more frustrated especially when H drops hints about s#x but I wont go there anymore as it serves no purpose and just makes me miss him more.
I should have an update monday as I will see him more this weekend as it is his weekend off....KDU
O.K. I had to post this latest info I have had from H b/c it has done my vindictive side the world of good. PMA is feeling a whole lot better, let me explain....
H is working for us today and we were chatting this morning and he said he has had a really bad last 2 days. So of course I ask him why and he says that OW (yes that he split up with in August) is giving him a really hard time.
It seems that he told her on Wednesday he had been out a couple of times with this Nurse and apparently she took it O.K. at the time and said she didn't know why he was telling her as he was a free man blah blah and was fine with it or so he thought.
Then he gets nasty nasty messages to his mobile from her and her threatening to commit suicide blah blah. So h goes around and sees her last night and apparently she was hysterical crying etc and giving him a really hard time.
H said to me that he is really worried about what she will do at work now as it seems she is out to cause him trouble and grief. (big sigh oooohh) Anyhow he says that as he has only been seeing this nurse as a friend and nothing else has happened that he might stop seeing her as he doesn't want to cause her trouble and he knows that OW is going to give her a hard time at work.
He now says to me that he would like to leave work and that he should have listened to me ages ago when I was telling him that OW was not a truthful person. For those who remember OW was contacting me telling me things and denying it to my H and he kept believing her and not me as she made out I was the one contacting her. Well now he knows better.
Anyhow it seems he has got himself into a real bother and you can bet OW will make his life very hard and cause no end of trouble for him at work. Now he realises that I wasn't so bad and that his mind was influenced by OW. Der we could have told him that.
So I find this whole thing so amusing and am really fighting the urge to say hah hah hah I told you so. But I am just validating him and telling him to be careful but I also said I can understand OW a little as H doesn't inform someone that it is over he just says he needs a break which doesn't give people closure. He said he understands this now and I said oh well maybe that will mean you wont make the same mistake again.
So it will be interesting to see what else unfolds re this drama but I tell you Karma comes back and bites you on the ar$e eventually. So OW can KMA as she definately got what she deserves and I must admit to see H squirm a bit brings a smile to my face. I do love him but revenge is sweet sometimes especially if it has nothing to do with yourself. So the sadistic side of me really feels he has got nothing less than what he deserves. Is that awful of me???? Will keep you all updated I just thought you would all like to hear of when things go a bit haywire on the flip side...... ...KDU
I'm going to have a hard time at the deli tomorrow girls ... cabana, salami, frankfurts ... the mind boggles!!! Just don't do what I did and ask for 1/2 kilo of little boys. The deli chick looked at me like I was a space cadet until I explained they were cheerios
Now that would be just my luck to get a Cabana boy with a cheerio
Oh Kim that story about H and OW is just poetic justice. I hope you have a smug smile on your face. Keep us posted.
Bl@@dy hell sex everywhere. Just turned on the tele and there is this blonde man prancing around in a metallic leopard skin thong. Midday movies aren't what they used to be
Hey girls glad to see you think along the same lines as me. BB my next volleyball game is this Wednesday, lets see if I can get to the 2nd set without feeling like I am going to collapse with exhaustion. Last week it was only 5 mins into the 1st set, I thought I was going to die. I am so unfit now as that game proved to all of us. Oh well it has been about 5 yrs since we played, fitness will come back eventually.
Journelling....
Well what goes up must come down and I just landed on my ar$e. Yesterday H and I were talking and as you all know I have been trying to detach from H but it isn't that easy b/c deep down I know I still loved him and really still wanted him back but I just can't keep playing games.
I have truly found it easier (until yesterday) dealing with H and do not contact him at all. Well Saturday he came over and helped me in the garden for about 2 hours and that was fine but when he dropped son off on Sunday I had to ask H a few questions. (I know I shouldn't have but I did).
So I said what have you and the nurse decided to do about OW and he said they were going there own seperate ways as Nurse didn't need the drama as she has enough of her own. I asked how this made H feel and he said he was fine with it as nothing was really going on so it didn't matter.
I then said to him do you reckon we could ever try dating again down the track and he said "No" this lead to why and he said he would never consider being with me again b/c the damage was done and couldn't be fixed. I replied to this by saying "No its more that you dont want to fix it as anything can be fixed or attempted to be fixed if you try. He said it would never work basically b/c of me.
This boils down to the reasons he left:
I was too controlling of everything. Made him feel inferior. My fault we had money problems. I drove him to have the affair b/c he wasn't happy with me. Affair would never have happened if I had made him happy. I was too soft on the kids. I allowed too many people to visit us. I put everyone else first instead of him. I didn't make him feel he was trusted when he went out.
Now I can't believe he still harbours each and everyone of these as the reason we cannot be together b/c all of his reasons are to do with me and not one where he was at fault. This as we know is impossible as he has to be to blame for something even if as little as poor communication skills on how he was feeling, but no nothing. Remembering he was the one that had an affair for 3yrs b4 leaving and then didn't have the guts to say why he was leaving and i found out about the affair 2months later.
Anyhow this hurt like hell at first but as you can see I know see it clearer and I think it was what was needed for me to see we have no future. It saddens me and upsets me as I truly love my H but when someone holds that much contempt for you, you have to face facts and realise they have a major problem themselves and our R will never heal. He always blames everyone else for everything in his life, it was always me that fixed problems with his family and now he speaks to none of them or none of our friends. All he has is his workmates and one best friend.
All the things I listed I can take 50% of the blame for but I tell you my H has always been bad with money. He left one weekend years ago and came back 2 days later on the Sunday crying and begging me to let him come home and that he was sorry and guess what yep he had blown all our money his whole pay packet and I wasn't working at the time.
So guys my marriage is over and this hurts me but I have to face facts. Marriage to me was a serious commitment and I truly wanted to grow old with H, but that is not to be and so now I will move onto Phase 2, whatever that is, but I will keep you all informed. It's hard but at least I know it's just me and the kids now....KDU
I'm so sorry you had that conversation. You know one of the reasons I have been so good at DBing this year is because I'm terrified that if I ask, that is what my husband would say. So I admire your courage in asking and being able to hear what he said in reply.
Nevertheless - you know your H is in turmoil at the moment and what he thinks today, he may not think tomorrow.
Take care.
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Yeah this could be true but as much as it hurts and it is hard to imagine my life without H it is time to do it. I really feel my H is so caught up in his own little selfish world that there is no room for me. He cannot see that he is to blame for anything and in his eyes I am totally to blame. That is his problem as I refuse to take all of the blame. I truly doted on him and gave him so much and although I find it hard to imagine my life without him I have to no matter how hard it is. This will take me awhile but I will concentrate on being the best mother I can be for the moment and hopefully the rest will come with time.
...KDU 
