Thanks guys I appreciate it. It is just so hard as I was starting to get on top off my feelings and now they just seem to all come flooding back. I was starting to feel good about myself and getting back some self confidence but I dont even remember buying a ruddy ticket for this rollercoaster, I have been put on the ride by force.
I find it easier when I have limited contact with him as I truly start to GAL but when he is around more I remember why I love him and why I want him in my life and when I can't have him the way I want I find it hard to cope. I also find it hard to live a lie so when he is around and I act as if it is a lie. When he is not around so much I am actually doing it and it is not a lie.
Does anyone understand what I am saying. I appreciate the advice and I will act as if around him but BB 2 weeks - all my feelings will come flooding back in 2 days little own 2 weeks. This really annoys me as I had direction and now I don't, why is it that WAS's can throw us down on our ar$es so easily he didn't even give me a chance to get into this detaching thing and he is stirring it all up again. Although it's not like he has said anything to make me think he wants anything more than friendship but I don't know if that is enough for me.
I have always touched him as he walks past and I cant do that and it takes all my effort not to as some habits die hard, I have always called him affectionate names and the more I see him the harder it is not to say them oh god so many things. Aaaaaaarrggghh I hate this, I have never had so little control over anything in my entire life and to not be in control of myself is the worse thing....KDU
