Nothing wrong with putting on music at any time of the day if that's what you are in the mood for. Music can really be mood altering so whack it on the CD and live it up..... Journaling...... H worked for us yesterday and was nice and chatty so I was the same take him as I find him at the moment. I am not going to backslide on this detaching thing but I tell you sometimes it does hurt and pull on the old emotional strings which tells me I am not as detached as I would like to be.
When H isn't GALing himself or at least not telling me about it I seem to do quite well for myself and don't give him as much thought but if he tells me he is going out with someone especially female or it looks like he is starting up with someone it really hits home hard to me.
He mentioned that he has been out for coffee with some Nurse from the hospital he works at and is going out for tea with her tonight. Now I thought it was the boys from the gym as that is what he said but he never tells the truth these days so I don't know why I am surprised.
Apparently she is a couple of years older than him but he is not really sure as he says he is too scared to ask...He really likes these older woman for some reason.
Anyhow he is obviously still wanting to sow wild oats, which just shows me that I am correct in detaching but it is still hard to come to terms with. I hate thinking of him with someone else....I guess I am a bit of the mind, if I can't have you, I don't want anyone else to either.
Its very strange as I don't really know that I necessarily want him myself and am detaching to get on with my life but I think I also thought that maybe once I was used to being on my own I had this dream that he would come back begging my forgiveness so I guess I still have a loooooong way to go. How weird this cycle is. I know I still love him but I thought that I could get over that and thought I was, but at the mere mention of someone else I realise I love him more than I thought....Damn It....Anyhow just letting you know how I am feeling at the moment and he knows none of this in his eyes I look like I have moved on and don't really give a hoot about getting back together so I guess I can't blame him, it just shows me how not over him I am.
Oh well goal for this weekend to GAL as much as possible and to keep doing what I am doing. I think it makes it hard when I see him at work too. As it is 2 full days and not just a 1/2 hour coffee when he picks up S. I do much better when I have no contact with him other than once a week. Tonight I will go to gym and have a huge workout, come home have a shower and then go and visit a friend. Tomorrow I am not sure what I am doing yet as it is our big day in September, "AFL Grand Final". This year could be the first year I don't go to a Grand Final BBQ or function but hey I guess that's a new beginning. I have been invited a few places but they really don't interest me so I may just have to watch it with the kids and have our own little shindig......KDU
