Yoyo you have fun on your trip it might help you put things into perspective. Can you see that you are just trying to get a response out of H with your actions or aren't you there yet???? Easy for the likes of me and KDK to say as we have got over that hill but I think you are only half way up at the moment, it is all a process we must go through but you will know when you are there and can I just say it is a lot easier than when we are riding the rollercoaster and don't get me wrong the door is not completely shut on my M but slightly ajar so he can open it if he wants but I can also close it when I am ready too. I hope that makes sense to you Yoyo. KDK I think you know what I am saying it's a much better place to be at isn't it......Glad to know someone else feels like I do at the moment....... Journelling...... Well H came Sat morning to pick me up for gym so we went and did our workouts and I was finished a bit before him so went and sat at a table out in the cafe area and H came out and asked what was wrong and I said nothing at all I have finished and you haven't so I thought I would sit out here so you didn't feel any pressure to hurry through your workout. H said he just had cooldown on X-Trainer to go and I said yep cool see you when you are finished. He then came out and we went back to my place and when we pulled up H turned of car and got out of car. I said thanks for picking me up, I appreciate it, H said that's fine can I come in for a coffee and I said "I will make you a coffee if you want one" H said "Yes please" so we went in and I made him a coffee and drank mine with him didn't overly speak about much. He asked if I had plans that night and I said "Yeah gonna give the pool table and bar a workout in the back room" H said "Oh is Jarrod coming over" I replied yes he is and a couple of others, H said Oh well I am sure you will have a good time and I said yep guaranteed. He then said he better get going, so I walked him to the door and he said he would speak to me during the week and I said not really any need I will just see you on Thursday when you come to work for us. H said "O.K. if that's what you want" and I said "I didn't mean anything by it just dont worry about ringing unless you have to, you know you can ring if you want to or need to, just don't do b/c you feel you have to: H said "Oh O.K. I think I get it now" I just said "That's good" any way this was all at the door and normally I would walk him out to his car but when he said "See ya" I replied the same and shut the door. Yippee there is another 180. No contact yesterday with him and none so far today and I really don't care when I hear from him but will be interesting to see if he has a stupid reason to ring between now and Thursday or if he leaves it until he is working here on Thurs. Anyhow Sat went to gym, then went home and did all my housecleaning and at 6.00pm my beloved male friend turned up with a box of "Scotch & Coke" and a bottle of "Bailey's"....looked like he was in for a session. Anyhow another friend came over and we bought Chicken, salad and chips for dinner with my kids and had a great night. One friend went home about midnight and my friend Jarrod finally left at 3.30am. We had a fab time as we always do and I didn't get up until 10.00am which is a real big sleep in for me. Had shower, more housework, few phone calls and then had a friend and her two girls call in for 2 hours b4 tea. They left had tea with kids, cleaned up watched telly and then went to bed, so my 9yr old S decided he would sleep with me which he hasn't done for ages and as it is school hols here I let him for a treat. Not the greatest of idea's as I kept waking up all night and feel very tired today so that is something we will do only once in a blue moon he will have to stick to just coming in for cuddles....So a good weekend for me still feeling good, yes thoughts of him creep in but I can handle it all so much better at the moment.....Update soon and remember if I don't update for a few days it's b/c I have nothing to report in about so no news is good news.....KDU
KDU - Holy moly, you really have detached! What brought you to this level of detachment? Was the last reconciliation attempt the straw that broke the camel's back? (to start bandying about cliches).
I'm also curious about the title of your thread New "Tactics". Are they tactics? Is your end goal still reconciliation? You seem to be rocking the GAL so well without him, I'm wondering if this is past a tactic!
Regardless, I love hearing how much fun you're having - you've certainly earned it. Hopefully I'll be there sooner rather than later...
You really are getting on with your life and doing what everyone keeps talking about - YOU have got a GAL and if H wants to tag along he can.... . I LIKE that...
I think I have managed to pick a perfect role model!...
Only I think you sound a lot less emotional in your postings than you really are... This whole sitch still must hurt, right? Are you "over the fence" and really don't care anymore, or are you putting yourself first? (trying to find the route map here for me to follow )
KDU You are def. detaching and this is a very good thing for you and it is def. peaking your H's interest, not that that is your motive. VERY good for you!!
Kim, great work in the GAL department. Your friends sound priceless. Gotta love a man who turns up with a bottle of Baileys
Well it's your turn now and it sounds like you're living it to the full. Detaching from H, yet letting him take you to the gym. Just the right mix, I think.
Fellow Chicky babes, thankyou so much for your encouragement it helps alot. This detaching thingy is new to me and I have surprised myself at how well I am coping with it. Now Anna in answer to your question is this a tactic it depends which way you look at it. Everything else I have done has been a tactic to get H to come back I was after reactions from him and whilst I am curious as to how he will react to my new found freedom if he doesn't react I am O.K. with that where as before I would have just tried something else. Now I am detaching for my own sake and mental and emotional stability so yes it is a tactic for my own greater good but not a tactic for my H. Is reconciliation still an option Mmmmm that is sort of difficult but honestly yes it is although it is out of my hands. At this moment I am looking at my M as being over and at H being nothing more than the father of my son. Yes at the moment I still love him but I hate who he has become. He is now a self absorbed person and selfish he can only see how things affect himself and has no understanding of anyone else, this is disappointing but not someone I wish to have a R with so firstly if that doesn't change then neither will our R. Should H wake up from the fog and pursue me then I will assess how I feel when and if that happens but I will not live in hope that it is going to happen. WCBeth you stated that my posts don't seem to show the emotion I must be feeling well I guess that would be correct but until today I have been feeling very strong in my conviction of where I am heading - detachement so I guess that would be the reason why. Don't get me wrong this is full of emotion but that rollercoaster I was on played with my emotions alot more than detaching does. I think the rollercoaster part of it sucks all your emotion out of you and therefore you realise detaching is truly the best option for yourself and at first you feel a bit numb....I have been coping with this so much better than I thought I would until today which I will explain soon. I really think it is a case of being stronger and not living with my emotions controlling my life as they were. I hope this helps you to understand a little better. KDK thanks for the support, I know you know where my head is at Kismet - Yes always love a man with Bailey's. He really is such a sweet friend and we get along so well but we are sort of like brother and sister he is 31 and I am 39, he has no kids and has not been married although was engaged. So he really needs to find a nice girl but we figure we can be good company for each other and when we are out you should see us. Let me explain, we figure what a different sort of pick up line would it be if a female chatted up another female for her male friend. So we sit there both scanning the chickies and then when we both agree who looks nice and has a friendly face I go and talk to her and get her to come over and have a drink with us and the rest is up to him. So far he hasn't scored but I nearly did. This one girl I went up to turned out to be a lesbian, I nearly choked on my drink and Jarrod well he thought it was hilarious and jokingly said that I had done very well and could have made all his dreams come true if I was just agreeable, which I wasn't. So it has been alot of fun and certainly given us something to talk about and it looks like we may have another single male recruit as one of the other guys that was groomsmen in my wedding is now single again and wants to come out with us. I will have to post our antics on this board to give you all a laugh.....Anyhow I hope I have answered most of the questions that were put to me and I hope it helps you all with the different stages you are at. Feel free to keep quizzing me as it makes me feel stronger to know I am still on the right track.....O.K. I am going to start journelling.....KDU
O.K. H rang me this morning at work to say that he might pick up kids and take them to Mini-golf as it is school holidays, I said they would love that and that would be great. I also said look if you are going to do that why don't you take S9 home with you and drop him of at 1pm tomorrow b4 you go to work and that way you can be free this friday night and it saves you dropping him back real early on Sat.(He is doing a security job sat and has to drop S off at 8.30am) He said I can't do that as I am going out tonight. I said Oh O.K. that's fine but I really think it would be a bit pointless to have S on Friday night as he will have to be up at 7.30am. Well he cracked it, flew off the handle telling me he was sick of my games (WTF) and what the hell was my problem as it was only 4 hours earlier and then hung up on me. NICE so I continued on with my work thinking what a loser. Then of course the phone goes again and the convo went like this: H: Hi sorry M: Whatever, what did you want to say H: Look you just pi$$ me off, when you try and change things. M: Sorry about that but I was only trying to make things easier on all of us. It was a suggestion which you could have said no to. H: O.K. well I am saying NO M: That's fine but I did want to discuss Friday night with you but only if it stays calm as I do not want to fight. H: I told you I would drop him home at 8.30am. M: Yes I heard you but that isn't convenient for me and it deviates from what we have arranged in the past. H: Look I dont get anytime to do anything, so I am going out tonight M: I understand that but I am not talking about tonight, I am talking about Friday. H: Fuc# You......AND HANGS UP A similair sitch and convo happens about 5 mins later with much the same result. Well I am getting good and fired up by this stage and yes tears where springing to my eyes, I think from the sheer frustration of it all and the phone goes again. H: Sorry M: Silence H: I said sorry M: Yes I heard you but I dont really see the point in me saying anything as you are only going to get angry and hang up. H: No I wont now I have had some time to think and I have cancelled going out tonight and I will take S and I will go out on Friday night. M: Yep that is fine H: Look you know I am not going out with OW dont you, you know that is well and truly over, I was going out with some guys from the gym and we have changed it to Fri night now. M: I didn't ask you to explain and I have not asked you about OW for ages as I really don't care whether you are seeing her or not, it is none of my business all I am interested in is sorting out our son and that is it. H: Yeah I know I just get all heated up and say things I am thinking out loud. M: Well sorry but that is something you will have to work out for yourself all I know is I cannot have a civil conversation with you about anything not even visitation for our S and I find that disappointing. H: I know I am sorry M: Look I accept your apology but you do it so often that it drains me and truthfully I expect it now. I have fitted everything in with your work roster and I have made any changes you have wanted over the last 8 months and I am not prepared to change things for you anymore. We have a set system in place and if you chose to do extra work or change your shift, or want to go out that is your choice but I don't have to alter my plans to fit in with that. It is your choice to put work or socialising in front of your son and that is fine but I will not change my life around for you anymore. H: I dont expect you too. M: Yes you do or we would not have been arguing about it. It would have been the same plans as normal, which is the way I want it from now on. You know every week when you are having him according to your roster, if you choose to change it, then you can ask if I am willing to work something out but if it can't be then you just miss that week and it reverts to normal the following week. I don't mean to sound bit#hy but if we stick to the routine we both know what is happening all of the time. H: Yes O.K. I understand what you are saying and I will make sure I don't make plans for those times anymore. M: Thankyou but again it is your choice. H: I know, now look I will come and get S when you finish work and I will have a chat to you then about all this as I am sorry. M: Yep fine I will see you when I get home I have to go as I am at work - bye H: See ya and thanks That was it..... How frustrating can they be but I was glad I held strong and I didn't get teary on the phone, I didn't ring him back when he hung up on me 3x. I didn't raise my voice at him or rant and rave, I kept calm the whole time even though my blood was boiling. So another goal achieved and another 180 so I am pleased with myself. He is so weird though like he has to make sure I understand he is not with OW and all which I like to know but I don't ask him and he really shouldn't care what I think should he. Anyhow I am not going to mull over this as I really don't overly care as nothing has changed to my sitch so it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Annoys me but I will keep calm and get over it and continue, I am just so glad I didn't backslide with all this. Elephant stamp on my wrist for being a good girl....Hehehehe so there you have it. I will post again tomorrow and update you all on what he had to say tonight.....KDU
I didn't raise my voice at him or rant and rave, I kept calm the whole time even though my blood was boiling. So another goal achieved and another 180 so I am pleased with myself.
No doubt!
When you get your mind set to something you just go achieve it, don't you?
How are your kids? Enjoying their holiday? Has your detachment made it easier to be involved with them or is it about the same?
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
Has your detachment made it easier to be involved with them or is it about the same?
BB sorry hun not sure what you mean. With them do you mean my H or my kids????Will answer you just want to make sure I am answering the right thing.....
. I LIKE that...
