Journelling:-

O.K. H rang me this morning at work to say that he might pick up kids and take them to Mini-golf as it is school holidays, I said they would love that and that would be great. I also said look if you are going to do that why don't you take S9 home with you and drop him of at 1pm tomorrow b4 you go to work and that way you can be free this friday night and it saves you dropping him back real early on Sat.(He is doing a security job sat and has to drop S off at 8.30am) He said I can't do that as I am going out tonight. I said Oh O.K. that's fine but I really think it would be a bit pointless to have S on Friday night as he will have to be up at 7.30am. Well he cracked it, flew off the handle telling me he was sick of my games (WTF) and what the hell was my problem as it was only 4 hours earlier and then hung up on me. NICE so I continued on with my work thinking what a loser. Then of course the phone goes again and the convo went like this:
H: Hi sorry
M: Whatever, what did you want to say
H: Look you just pi$$ me off, when you try and change things.
M: Sorry about that but I was only trying to make things easier on all of us. It was a suggestion which you could have said no to.
H: O.K. well I am saying NO
M: That's fine but I did want to discuss Friday night with you but only if it stays calm as I do not want to fight.
H: I told you I would drop him home at 8.30am.
M: Yes I heard you but that isn't convenient for me and it deviates from what we have arranged in the past.
H: Look I dont get anytime to do anything, so I am going out tonight
M: I understand that but I am not talking about tonight, I am talking about Friday.
H: Fuc# You......AND HANGS UP
A similair sitch and convo happens about 5 mins later with much the same result. Well I am getting good and fired up by this stage and yes tears where springing to my eyes, I think from the sheer frustration of it all and the phone goes again.
H: Sorry
M: Silence
H: I said sorry
M: Yes I heard you but I dont really see the point in me saying anything as you are only going to get angry and hang up.
H: No I wont now I have had some time to think and I have cancelled going out tonight and I will take S and I will go out on Friday night.
M: Yep that is fine
H: Look you know I am not going out with OW dont you, you know that is well and truly over, I was going out with some guys from the gym and we have changed it to Fri night now.
M: I didn't ask you to explain and I have not asked you about OW for ages as I really don't care whether you are seeing her or not, it is none of my business all I am interested in is sorting out our son and that is it.
H: Yeah I know I just get all heated up and say things I am thinking out loud.
M: Well sorry but that is something you will have to work out for yourself all I know is I cannot have a civil conversation with you about anything not even visitation for our S and I find that disappointing.
H: I know I am sorry
M: Look I accept your apology but you do it so often that it drains me and truthfully I expect it now. I have fitted everything in with your work roster and I have made any changes you have wanted over the last 8 months and I am not prepared to change things for you anymore. We have a set system in place and if you chose to do extra work or change your shift, or want to go out that is your choice but I don't have to alter my plans to fit in with that. It is your choice to put work or socialising in front of your son and that is fine but I will not change my life around for you anymore.
H: I dont expect you too.
M: Yes you do or we would not have been arguing about it. It would have been the same plans as normal, which is the way I want it from now on. You know every week when you are having him according to your roster, if you choose to change it, then you can ask if I am willing to work something out but if it can't be then you just miss that week and it reverts to normal the following week. I don't mean to sound bit#hy but if we stick to the routine we both know what is happening all of the time.
H: Yes O.K. I understand what you are saying and I will make sure I don't make plans for those times anymore.
M: Thankyou but again it is your choice.
H: I know, now look I will come and get S when you finish work and I will have a chat to you then about all this as I am sorry.
M: Yep fine I will see you when I get home I have to go as I am at work - bye
H: See ya and thanks
That was it.....
How frustrating can they be but I was glad I held strong and I didn't get teary on the phone, I didn't ring him back when he hung up on me 3x. I didn't raise my voice at him or rant and rave, I kept calm the whole time even though my blood was boiling. So another goal achieved and another 180 so I am pleased with myself. He is so weird though like he has to make sure I understand he is not with OW and all which I like to know but I don't ask him and he really shouldn't care what I think should he. Anyhow I am not going to mull over this as I really don't overly care as nothing has changed to my sitch so it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Annoys me but I will keep calm and get over it and continue, I am just so glad I didn't backslide with all this. Elephant stamp on my wrist for being a good girl....Hehehehe so there you have it. I will post again tomorrow and update you all on what he had to say tonight.....KDU

"FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT!!"(quote:Anna)