Yoyo you have fun on your trip it might help you put things into perspective. Can you see that you are just trying to get a response out of H with your actions or aren't you there yet???? Easy for the likes of me and KDK to say as we have got over that hill but I think you are only half way up at the moment, it is all a process we must go through but you will know when you are there and can I just say it is a lot easier than when we are riding the rollercoaster and don't get me wrong the door is not completely shut on my M but slightly ajar so he can open it if he wants but I can also close it when I am ready too. I hope that makes sense to you Yoyo. KDK I think you know what I am saying it's a much better place to be at isn't it......Glad to know someone else feels like I do at the moment....... Journelling...... Well H came Sat morning to pick me up for gym so we went and did our workouts and I was finished a bit before him so went and sat at a table out in the cafe area and H came out and asked what was wrong and I said nothing at all I have finished and you haven't so I thought I would sit out here so you didn't feel any pressure to hurry through your workout. H said he just had cooldown on X-Trainer to go and I said yep cool see you when you are finished. He then came out and we went back to my place and when we pulled up H turned of car and got out of car. I said thanks for picking me up, I appreciate it, H said that's fine can I come in for a coffee and I said "I will make you a coffee if you want one" H said "Yes please" so we went in and I made him a coffee and drank mine with him didn't overly speak about much. He asked if I had plans that night and I said "Yeah gonna give the pool table and bar a workout in the back room" H said "Oh is Jarrod coming over" I replied yes he is and a couple of others, H said Oh well I am sure you will have a good time and I said yep guaranteed. He then said he better get going, so I walked him to the door and he said he would speak to me during the week and I said not really any need I will just see you on Thursday when you come to work for us. H said "O.K. if that's what you want" and I said "I didn't mean anything by it just dont worry about ringing unless you have to, you know you can ring if you want to or need to, just don't do b/c you feel you have to: H said "Oh O.K. I think I get it now" I just said "That's good" any way this was all at the door and normally I would walk him out to his car but when he said "See ya" I replied the same and shut the door. Yippee there is another 180. No contact yesterday with him and none so far today and I really don't care when I hear from him but will be interesting to see if he has a stupid reason to ring between now and Thursday or if he leaves it until he is working here on Thurs. Anyhow Sat went to gym, then went home and did all my housecleaning and at 6.00pm my beloved male friend turned up with a box of "Scotch & Coke" and a bottle of "Bailey's"....looked like he was in for a session. Anyhow another friend came over and we bought Chicken, salad and chips for dinner with my kids and had a great night. One friend went home about midnight and my friend Jarrod finally left at 3.30am. We had a fab time as we always do and I didn't get up until 10.00am which is a real big sleep in for me. Had shower, more housework, few phone calls and then had a friend and her two girls call in for 2 hours b4 tea. They left had tea with kids, cleaned up watched telly and then went to bed, so my 9yr old S decided he would sleep with me which he hasn't done for ages and as it is school hols here I let him for a treat. Not the greatest of idea's as I kept waking up all night and feel very tired today so that is something we will do only once in a blue moon he will have to stick to just coming in for cuddles....So a good weekend for me still feeling good, yes thoughts of him creep in but I can handle it all so much better at the moment.....Update soon and remember if I don't update for a few days it's b/c I have nothing to report in about so no news is good news.....KDU