Thanks guys I do feel more strong and confident about my future. I am out for me at the moment and nobody else really factors in other than my beloved children. You know I have never put myself first in all my life, I so much love to please others it gives me great satisfaction when I know something I did really helped someone but ya know i think it is way beyond time that I did worry about myself first this will be a real 180 for me if I can keep it up. Saw H this morning when he came into work, it's so funny that when you act as if and distant yourself how they seek you out for more conversations he knows I am starting back at the gym and said he would pick me up Saturday morning and go with me (H goes to the gym nearly every day) I nearly said No thanks I can get there myself but thought no this is what I would have done in the past as I have been shitty with him so I said O.K if you want to pick me up that would be fine. I will go with him to the gym and when he drops me home I am just going to thank him and go inside without any invitation for coffee and you know the best part at the moment I don't even feel upset about any of this. I truly think in the past I have been doing everything so as to get a reaction out of my H that hopefully woke him up to himself but I think I get it now. I am doing this for me and I am going to keep my distance from H as I do not want to ride the Rollercoaster at the moment I have decided to get off and walk alone for awhile and I feel so good about it. What will be will be no matter what I do fate will work it's charm whichever way and at the moment I really think I can deal with that whichever way it goes. I can feel a glimmer of happiness creeping in inside of me for the first time since February when he left. I think I have truly realised that I don't need my H, yes I still love him but there has been a slight shift inside of me like a little earth tremor and I must admit I am now excited as to how this goes for the moment it truly doesn't seem to hurt as much so maybe I am moving to a happier place, fingers crossed. Hey Anna I haven't succeeded at this yet but hey mate if I do then you can too as I am a hopeless case look at all my ups and downs but this feels different so if I can do it so can you Anna my love. Well that is my update for now so KimDownUnder signing off with an upbeat mood..... P.S - If the blue bird of happiness dumps its load on me watch out as I am not going to get out of this mindset if i can help so hey bluebird watch your feathers.....Hehehe
