His answer is that he's a dork, a loser, stupid, slow, awkward, reserved, inadequate, unsexy, is not handsome/rich/smart enough to be my husband, etc. These are just a few of the things I've heard come from his mouth as to why he feels this way.
I tried a different tactic earlier this week, in regards to this convo. I simply stated, Stop saying those things about yourself. They are negative and I don't like them. They also are not true.
And I left it at that. I would not continue the convo beyond that and that's where it ended. He responded, You're right, I will stop doing that.
Quote: His answer is that he's a dork, a loser, stupid, slow, awkward, reserved, inadequate, unsexy, is not handsome/rich/smart enough to be my husband, etc.
No wonder your H is having problems with being a virile man. Can you imagine (insert very manly man's name here) ever thinking these things about himself? With all of those negative lables swirling around in his head, it's a wonder that he even gets out of bed in the morning! Even if they are not true for you, most likely your H still believes them. How then does he tell himself that those lables don't apply? How does he turn them around to say, "I am capable, I am a sexy beast, I deserve this passionate woman, I can figure it out, I am irresistable in pocket protectors and horn rims, etcetera?
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
HP, is this self flaggelation really how he feels about himself, or is it said in a failed attempt to look humble? Perhaps it started out as deflecting praise and has grown into a monster. When he does that, can you cite specific counter examples and then challenge him to support his assertions?
MrsNOP, It is not a defensive move. He's always been like this. In the beginning I foolishly thought I could help him with this, or that he would "grow out of it".
Cine, LOLOL pocket protectors. Oh man that is funny. He truly is not a dork. He is a regular man's man kinda guy. A former Marine sniper. He is not soft and sissy-ish at all. I have no idea why his self image is so skewed but I have finally accepted that I can do nothing about it and surely don't want to hear about it anymore. All the "H!! That's not true!" have done nothing to alleviate the situation and I'm DONE doing it.
I believe this is really how he feels about himself, although exaggerated. That is, he doesn't think he's a good provider but even he would be forced to admit that he's not a "loser". After all, we live in a nice home, I don't work, we have no debt besides one car and our mortgage (a 15 yr loan) and he supports us all. He can't be doing half bad! But were I to challenge the assertion, he'd have all these examples as to why he IS a loser.
For some reason, it comforts him to believe that he married "up" and I don't know why and no longer care to find out. It's his problem. I know that sounds cold, but I certainly don't mean it that way. I just mean that I can't do this for him--he's not listening to me, anyway.
