I started as the "relationship" pursuer in our marriage. As my resentment and hurt grew at feeling that I was unimportant in our relationship I moved into what the list calls the " tend to pursue harder and then coldly withdraw when an important person seeks distance."
That withdrawal took place over a few years and I fought it with limited success on occasion. I stopped pushing for what I wanted from our marriage. My openness toward NOP dried up. And with that, any thought of giving much of a rip about what he might be wanting or needing disappeared as well. NOP felt the withdrawal and eventually tried to put things back to right again. And for a time became the relationship pursuer. But the distance was too far for gifts to traverse.
Of course, we were both doing our "blaming" at each other, whether or not it ever got expressed verbally.
I think it's based on what your first initial reaction to anger, or those disfunctional circular patterns into which relationships can so often deteriorate.
Blamers are the ones who respond to most overtures by coming out with guns blazing. You don't strike me as a guns-blazing sort of guy. When you and your wife have an argument, do you chase her trying to make it right and talk about it, do you respond quickly with the list of things she's failing in, or do you want to get away as fast as you can?
