Sorry that things are in such an up and down mode. I recently discovered a book that I think addresses some of these kinds of issues in a different way than some of the other literature we've discussed on this site. The book is called "In the Mood Again" and addresses issues of appropriate power exchange in relationships.
It is analagous to what PM talks about as "growing up" within your relationship but addresses it in a clearer sort of way. I thought of it when I read about your W coming home late after saying she would be early. The issue involves respect and power exchange (reciprocity) as does the issue of getting our partner all heated up then turning them down. Anyway, what I REALLY liked about the book is that it addresses issues of choice in whether or not to respond to our partner's bids for sexual attention. For example, if we have a crappy day and we come home to our partner having fixed a nice meal, lit candles, cleaned the house etc... we can see it as "Hey that's really nice. Let's spend some time but I still don't feel like sex." or "Knock it off that's sexual pressure and I'm pissed" or "Let's spend some time together and I'll stay open to my mood changing." It is the choice of the person coming home after a bad day. It is a choice regardless of whether you are HD or LD.
I just started the book so I have no idea if the ideas will help at all. Some of the book is old hat (sexual response cycle blah blah blah) and it addresses a few medical issues but most of the people on this site have issues that don't appear to be of medical origin. The book does a really good job of addressing desire. It does p!ss me off that examples were most always wives who were LD but in many of those cases the H had stopped caring whether or not they had sex also.
