There is absolutely (of course) no guarantee that this approach will work, it's just something to try...as we are all trying to find SOMETHING that will get through to our S right?
I believe MQO's W & my H are similar in the fact that they do need physical affection from us...but have become become complacent and have taken it for granted. For us, I believe, when we withdraw the physical touch (that comes so natural to us) after awhile our spouses do notice it's absence, which in a way makes them come to us to seek it out again.
I forget how old your children are....but, just speaking as a mom here, there are days my S2 has just worn me out....crawled all over me, drug me around, hung on me....and basically it was him saying "me! me! me!" constantly (no I'm not a SAHM either...that'd just about kill me...PROPS to you HP and others!). But when he does that...I really don't crave affection from my H....it's like I've had physical contact overkill. No, it's not the same type of contact you want that's absolutely true....but it's like I've had my fill of my personal space being invaded and need time to be left to myself, without anyone demanding anything of me.....teenagers could do the same thing by demanding time constantly and keeping life simply busy.
Now...this is me (a woman I would consider fairly average in our lifestyle today)...a wife who works outside the home 40 hours per week, cares for our only S2 primarily when we are not working (often by myself as H works outside, or works opposite shift), cooks, cleans, does laundry etc....and even I get physical contact overload...with just one child....and we don't have an overly busy lifestyle.
I'm just wondering....if your W experiences this as well. That's not excusing it mind you, that's just trying to figure out why she (from what you say) never seeks out physical contact from you. If the kids are demanding of her in that way....she may truly not have that need/desire for it from you....and when you are worn out in that manner it can truly kill your desire for sexual contact too....I know, I experience this now in my late 30's. Does that mean I wouldn't hop at the chance to ML with my H if he offered...heck no I wouldn't turn that down...but that's because he's the one who is LD in our R. If he were the HD person in our R...I wouldn't turn him down, but I wouldn't be seeking it out as often either.
Just out of curiosity CeMar...what do you believe your W would say if you said to her "if you aren't going to attempt to fulfill my needs then you need to get ok with someone else doing that."? I said that to my H a few weeks ago in counseling....and that combined with the fact that I finally truly understood I would leave if things didn't change (which I know you said isn't an option for you) are what I believe is causing a few changes now.
GEL
I'm just trying to help ferret out a dynamic that could be happening in your household.
