I've done this from time-to-time. Sometimes it was from a feeling of retribution. Sometimes it was just a milder form of that, which I guess you might call reciprocity. And sometimes it was just self-preservation. It didn't matter what the reason was. She would never "come to me."
However, lately, she has initiated more touch. I think it's because I keep bringing it up in the MC sessions that I recognize her attempts and appreciate them. And, when a week or two goes by when the physical touch has been rare, I mention it, and she can't disagree.
As far as doing the extra things like errands and projects for her, she always thought I did these because I wanted sex. And I almost always did these kinds of things when she asked me to. But I don't always do them now. "Can you rub my shoulders?" gets answered sometimes with a, "sorry...I just don't feel like it right now" instead of immediate action.
The deal is, yeah, I used to think "if I spend all day mowing the yard and making the house look great, she'll be happy with me and reward me." I stopped thinking that way after being "burned" about a dozen (or was it a hundred) times. (I'm a slow learner sometimes).
Now, I do whatever needs to get done. I do it when I want to do it, and I do it my way. I'm not getting any more (or any less) sex than I used to, but my attitude is much better. And that's the only thing over which I have any control.
