I agree with you, Gel. I see it as a form of reciprocity.
It's not meant to be mercenary or vindictive, but no marital relationship is going to be healthy if one person is doing most of the work for *years*.
If you find yourself handing out footrubs, massages, personal errands, personal projects, etc. to a spouse that seldom, if ever, reciprocates, then you're growing a crop of entitlement that will destroy your relationship even further.
We tend to assume that if we do many of the right, kind things that our spouse will reciprocate from the warm, fuzzy feelings we've generated in them. That works with some spouses, and those are the ones who soon respond.
But not everyone operates that way. Some folks assume that you're doing these things because you want to do them, and therefore they are under no obligation to reciprocate. In fact, they begin (or always saw) those things as their just due and may protest vehemently at your "meanness" if you take them away.
