Actually, the way I managed to make it work without her seeing it as revenge is by being 100% upbeat and nice while denying her her needs. So, if we would be in bed, and she'd wanted to snuggle a bit, I'd smile at her, giggle a bit, move her arms gently out of the way and say liek "no no no no, none of that". And she gets the point. It actually can be fun, as I used her 'excuses' a couple of times. Little banter, but she kind of realizes how shallow those sound when you're on the receiving end.
It's actually quite funny. I mean, how many people would call a W who wants to sleep on her H's shoulder every night 'pushy' and 'demanding'? The concept is exactly the same as ML, it's just another form of intimacy. (and a bit more work and swaet, granted).
