This is something I had been doing with my H as well...it's actually a 180 of your behavior.
It's not done out of spite, as you already said, it's done out of self preservation.....and, it gives the OP plenty of room to come to you. It also, in my experience makes it that much more apparant that the affection/attention in the R is most definitely one-sided....because when you stop giving the touches etc...your spouse at some point can't help but notice it's not happening anymore. Many times that will mean they will eventually come to you. It doesn't always happen that way....but in your case (and in mine to some extent) it has worked that way
