I also posted about how she does appreciate non-sexual intimacy, and how I decided to abstain whenever I know it will drive me bonkers as I'm into ML.
'We' weren't getting anywhere (or rather rather 'I'). So, I took it a step further, and have now cut down drastically on all intimacy. So, when we're for example on the couch, she won't get a cuddle and a loving embrace. I don't invite her to lay her head on my lap. I don't exactly deny her any, but I don't initiate any.
I know it sounds cruel, or perhaps as revenge, but to me, it's two-fold. First of all, initiating initmacy will actually increase your desire of the moment. It's some sort of ancient 'prehistorical mating' instinct perhaps, I don't know, but ny shutting myself out of it, I actually fair a lot better.
Initially I did this more out of self preservation, keeping my sanity, but it actually has improved my W's desire and attitude. Last night she actually fully initiated ML while I wasn't showing any signs of being in the mood or having the urge. She snug up to me in bed, and asked if she "could snuggle with me". I aaid something akin to "well, I don't want to get worked up and then being left stone cold with you snoring away, but you can sleep on my shoulder and hold me a bit if you want". She looked at me, smiled and said "Well, I wasn't planning on leaving you in the cold". She was rather passionate, and I sincerely feel she was really 'in to it'. We had a VERY good evenig of sex. My W normally has trouble getting the big O, but (with some aid), she had a really good one. (the kind I like to label 'the buckling bronco').
I know it's likely contrary to most advise from the SSM and others, but I guess it might work as my W does have some basic desire and need for intimacy as well. It's just that because I'm the HD, her well never got drained, so she never was much in a position for 'desire' as she never experienced a shortage or a need for more. Now that's she's on a 'diet' so to speak, I think she actually realizes perhaps that she does have desires?
The only pitfall I could see is the slight danger I'll turn myself into the LD spouse in this M.
