Overall, I thought our phone convo was great, but why do I have such a bleak outlook now? I kept having the thoughts in my head last nite of the first time we split and got back together! Not a pretty picture! And why would I want those thoughts?
Basically the first time we broke up went like this: We started dating, he proposed quickly and I moved in on him right after! 6 months later, he needs space and I did everything that I know now is wrong: begging, pleading, threatening. Finally I had to move out, he kept coming around until I said no more and I stopped calling him. Then he was back a week later, saying he was just confused and what could he ever do to make it up to me? (AOS?)
Anyways, that is the reason for my confusion today, not over him, but reliving the past mistakes and I don't want to! I can see now where I should have been apologizing to him back then and never did. Hmm, maybe I should bring that up sometime.
As I said in the previous post, he sounded needy last night. Wanting to talk to me in the worst way! (which does remind me of when he apologized 10 yrs ago for breaking my heart) No, there were no apologies during this convo, and I have made mine to him regarding things of this year. (just b4 dropping the rope)
I know this is ASSuming and it's where I can't turn off the crazymaker: it really seemed like he was getting a 'feel' for where he stands in my life. And I'm not doing the crazy route of being together again, going the other way and assuming he just wants a relief from his guilt so he can move on. I know, it's all analyzation, ASSumptions and expectations, but I can't seem to get it out of my mind, so it's going down here instead of venting at him.
