I see your point. It's really hard for me to understand how he can be that way. I feel for your son. It's only what? 400 miles? 500? That's nothing.
T, here's my big question to you. What do you see in this guy? Seriously, if he was back what would be better in your life? I know I sound like your friends and family now, seeing only your side of things, but MLC, OW, PMS, or not, I just don't get it with him. To me how you treat your kids is a reflection of how you treat others in your life. If they are low priority then so is everyone else but yourself. I guess I'm just jaded and harsh today, but this is disappointing. You can't force him to be his dad or make him want to. I'm sorry.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
T - better advice, don't listen to Wes. He himself said he's harsh and jaded.
T - you're a great mom. You are the one who knows your H, do what you know is best. It may not be right in the end, but you can only do your best.
I do have to admit, Wes did bring up a good point (but don't tell him I said that). If he came back today, would you still really want him, the way he is right now? (I've been asking myself this same sort of thing lately too.)
Ok Wes, now that you're asking me tough ?'s, you can leave!
J/K ...really, don't you go anywhere.
This is part of what has had me so quiet lately, just reflecting on what I want in the whole scheme of life. And yes, you do sound like my family, I had to catch myself from defending ex just last w/e. So, how do I put my feelings into words here w/o defending exh? hmm.
I've been w/him long enough to see both sides. Part of the reason I fell in love w/him was the concern and caring that he showed for his k's. (this was 12 years ago) It has only been in the past few years that he has changed and most times I just see it as confusion.
Another entertwined event is related to our son's disability. I seriously believe that s9's autism/delays are related to vaccines (don't get me going there, I am pro-vaccination, there should just be more research done on how it affects some children) but s also suffered from 3rd degree burns the same week. (long story) Not defending ex, but he couldn't deal w/this. I have had to deal w/my own guilt/remorse over the incident, but also had to be the stronger parent and take care of s. That, coupled w/rebellious teenagers, then a death in the family has contributed to the MLC behaviors that I see in ex.
But those are all extraneous circumstances. I did my fair share of faults in the R, and so has he. Have I stopped loving him? NO. What do I see in him? Every time I step back and take a serious look at him, I still see the guy I fell in love w/. I have tried everything to put him out of my heart and mind and it hasn't happened. He tends to push all my buttons at all the right times to push me away. Why does he do that, is my question.
I'm comfortable w/my life as it is. I would still like him to be a part of it, but if he continues to choose not to, that's ok also. Yea, he is in selfish mode, but there were years of our relationship that he put all of us first and I didn't acknowledge that. So, I'm allowing this time out for both of us, and we will see where the future takes us. Only a power greater than us knows.
Quote: Wes did bring up a good point (but don't tell him I said that)
I won't. we'll keep it our secret!
Quote: If he came back today, would you still really want him, the way he is right now?
In some ways, yes. It's me that would hold things up as I don't want to go back to the way I was in the past. Working through my goals has brought me to being a better person all around. I want to keep these positives going. To that end, all my actions produce counteractions from him which produce reactions from me.....and so on and so on!
That didn't make much sense did it? I need to go get my toilet food and kitty paper.
Quote: I don't want to go back to the way I was in the past. Working through my goals has brought me to being a better person all around. I want to keep these positives going
That's great. I'm glad this process was so helpful for you. It was helpful for me too.
Now knock your XH off that pedestal you've put him up on.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Ok, I took his bait, (after that gentle nudge from Wes? )
I sent the following to ex late tonite (gave it a good day and half b4 hitting the reply button )
Hey, haven't heard from you in a while! Whats up?
Of course now I'm not sure if I really want to read the reply tomorrow I won't until I'm ready! And who knows, he might not even reply??!!!
Hmm, think I will have dreams of him crawling over the broken glass and then laying there bleeding while I pass him a sandwich and continue w/my GAL. (oops, did I just say that? Wes' jadedness, Kev's venutian-state, and reading Bruce's books is starting to get to me!)
) 
)