Ok Wes, now that you're asking me tough ?'s, you can leave!
J/K ...really, don't you go anywhere.
This is part of what has had me so quiet lately, just reflecting on what I want in the whole scheme of life. And yes, you do sound like my family, I had to catch myself from defending ex just last w/e. So, how do I put my feelings into words here w/o defending exh? hmm.
I've been w/him long enough to see both sides. Part of the reason I fell in love w/him was the concern and caring that he showed for his k's. (this was 12 years ago) It has only been in the past few years that he has changed and most times I just see it as confusion.
Another entertwined event is related to our son's disability. I seriously believe that s9's autism/delays are related to vaccines (don't get me going there, I am pro-vaccination, there should just be more research done on how it affects some children) but s also suffered from 3rd degree burns the same week. (long story) Not defending ex, but he couldn't deal w/this. I have had to deal w/my own guilt/remorse over the incident, but also had to be the stronger parent and take care of s. That, coupled w/rebellious teenagers, then a death in the family has contributed to the MLC behaviors that I see in ex.
But those are all extraneous circumstances. I did my fair share of faults in the R, and so has he. Have I stopped loving him? NO. What do I see in him? Every time I step back and take a serious look at him, I still see the guy I fell in love w/. I have tried everything to put him out of my heart and mind and it hasn't happened. He tends to push all my buttons at all the right times to push me away. Why does he do that, is my question.
I'm comfortable w/my life as it is. I would still like him to be a part of it, but if he continues to choose not to, that's ok also. Yea, he is in selfish mode, but there were years of our relationship that he put all of us first and I didn't acknowledge that. So, I'm allowing this time out for both of us, and we will see where the future takes us. Only a power greater than us knows.
