But I may have to quit talking so much about food; had a strange dream last nite w/ex criticizing me over and over - even about my weight! It was just really weird!
Feeling more and more jaded today! Sort of 'p!ssed off' at ex over his lack of contact, which I shouldn't be since I was trying to be semi-dark for a time. I guess it's just wanting to yell 'hey ex, (slapping him), I'm ignoring you!'
Actually, it's also my need to have 'quality time' and tell him about my job and the k's etc etc, and I don't get to. I know - actions speak louder than words; and if I hold back info, he will see this later by my actions.
But I also don't take well to criticism, and that's all his ex said he did about me. I'm not raising our son properly, I caused all the problems during the div, even mentioned how my s17 was disqualified from the marines and the army - which this point she could set him straight on! Said he shut up after he realized she knew the truth!
So, no I won't defend myself to him. I was just hoping things would be a little better after the visit.
And I don't like the fact that OW is becoming more and more involved in his life. I keep telling myself that a) it will kill the R quicker the more time they spend together and b) he's still keeping her a secret from me, but not the other ex????
I have stuck myself in the middle of the temp service mess somehow. Talked to the boss about my start date and he says he is refusing to pay them; and what can I do about that? Sounds like they went behind my back and demanded payment from him. Have to get this all straightened out today. I am taking Tuesday to interview the day care and will start work on Wednesday. Which means I won't be around much here during the day!
I think I have been working so hard on finding a job, that I don't know how to relax now and enjoy the relief of having one! That's the real reason I'm taking Tuesday off! Time to spend to myself. I have some of that today, but also have a whole list of chores that need to get done! Which I should get at instead of just rambling on and on and on ....
That's all I'm doing, not analyzing: just rambling, mulling it over, contemplating life, getting my life going in the right direction, considering my objectives and goals, working on my dreams, observing, journaling, talking out loud, getting hungry, looking for fun, enjoying where I'm at, looking into the future, being happy w/all that I have, letting things slide off of me, still hungry, but have lots of leftover pizza, writing a grocery list, doing laundry, picking up toys, jump starting my car, walking the dog, balancing my checkbook, oh .... my to-do list is getting long, I better get busy! T
