need a little input on this idea

[purplepermelia]

piglet, I think you've read my whopping 2 posts in piecing.

I probably should have begun by posting in newcomers, but this is my third experience in marriage, and I'm adept at adapting. My first two marriages ended in divorce, but thankfully no children were involved.

#1 became a dangerous situation for me. I didn't know at the time that he'd become addicted to methamphetamine (crank). I did know he was an alcoholic and attributed his paranoid and furious behavior to drinking. He became physically abusive, so I planned my escape carefully.

He spent a long time cajoling me, stalking me, threatening me - you name it, he tried it. I'm still afraid he may one day show up and do something hideous.

#2 started out as a beautiful, loving marriage. I still am not entirely certain what changed. I know I had a bad reaction to a medication and became very depressed. By the time I was better, #2 had given up. I did everything I could think of to keep our marriage together, but something came totally unhinged in his mind. He also became violent, and threw me out of the house.

I've had to learn how to change my behavior and keep my emotions in check in order to survive. Part of me feels angry with my H that, yet again, I'm in a position of protecting myself. H has not been violent towards me or the children (whew) but emotional attacks are unacceptable.

Another part of me accepts a huge share of blame, because I have such an abysmal track record. I wanted to give my kids a strong and healthy relationship. H's thinking of late is not the sort of role model I'd envisioned.

I believe it would be hard for Michele to write a book about living with control/depression issues unless she's had to deal with those personally. It's incredibly difficult to be strong in the face of daily negativity.