Quote: I asked him if he was still having contact with her and he could not answer
Just had a wild idea. If your H is still talking to OW, ask your H if OW would join you two in a C session. I bet that gets your H's attention. Not advice, just a thought
confused2005 First (((((cyber huggs to you))))), but I was serious.
If this OW is really the elephant in the livingroom you think she is, why not have it out with "your H" and her in the C's office. That everyone knows what the real score is in this game of a 3 person marriage or your H not wanting to be married or what ever his position is concerning the M. Sure eliminates alot of guessing.
Do what some of the ladies advised about taking care of your self. I am getting to be too much of a bean counter ( trying to take some of the emotions out of making decisions ) for my own good sometimes.
I saw a program on TV once concerning what a girl should do if a biy ask for sex on a date. The C said for the girl to call her dad and say "BF wants to ask you a guestion about sex". The C said most boys won't talk to the dad/mom and will knock off the grabby stuff. Kind of goes back to what is implied, the elephant no one wants to get real with and have an honest discussion.
I was hoping your H would quit talking to the OW if you invited her to the C session. If she actually came, she might see how attached you two are or see how much damage her talking to your H has done to the M. Then again you might see her side of the story and she is in a position similar to the one you are in. Anyway, OW is damaging your M, that is for sure.
But glad I made you laugh. I never thought it would. I even thought you might reply "O grose".
I would take my own advice if BB has an OM, but I am to the point of " is this ever going to be the way I want the R to be"?
Quote: He said he didn't know if he wanted to stay married like this. He said for 2 years I have pushed him away and made him feel like I do not live him (I love him very much
BTDT. I am your H.
Tell him it takes 6 months to a year to slowly forget the past hurts and remember the new good things and feel good about the R after you start doing things to make it better.
My reading list of what hepls DR “Divorce Remedy” By Michele Weiner-Davis 2001 7PFMMW The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work ”John Gottman PM “Passionate Marriage” or by David Schnarch 5LL “The Five Love Languages” Gary Chapman. Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. UL “Undefended Love" by Jett Psaris and Marlena Lyons=When we have peace inside, NOTHING they do can take it away.
I haven't been reading much but I think I should start. We have our first C session this afternoon this should be interesting. He has been sleeping at his mom's house for about a week (she has been away so the place is empty) and I have REALLY missed him, I told him this and he thinks it is because I am alone. (I did alot of soul searching in those nights and really realized that I want to save US and our family) I tried to expalin it to him but he just didn't get it. Instead he told me that he does not think he can give me the affection I need. He said he feels like a part of him has just turned off and he does not know what to do.
I betchya he's experiencing something similar to Honeypot right now. He's probably been trying and trying and trying for so long...that now, out of self preservation, he may have shut down in some areas. What he needs to understand is that there's a good chance those feelings etc are just submerged/stifled/hidden....but probably not gone for good.
He's been through alot and at some point (I've been there too) our feeling are affected...they shut down in order to not be hurt more. And unfortunatley, unless things are addressed (which you are trying to do) that can be the beginning of the end. Ask him for time, ask him to give MC a real chance, and remind him that you are willing to do whatever it takes to get your M back on track.
GEL: We had our 1st c session Thurdsay and he admitted 15 min before the session that he has been having a PA for 1.5 years. I still love him but am at a loss as to what I need to do. He is out of town for a week-my idea he is visiting his brother so we (I) can think.....what a mess.
I'm so sorry to hear that, I know that it had to hurt you to hear him say that. So, where do you stand now? Do you still want to save the M? Does he? Is he going to cut off contact with OW? Or have you two even gotten that far yet?
How did the C-session go? I'm sure it was hard for you, especially since he had just disclosed that information right before walking in (what timing!), although I'm sure he knew (at least in his gut) that it was going to end up coming out eventually anyway.
GEL: Part of me does still want to save the marriage as for him I have no idea, since finding this out on Thursday I know she has been calling him.... he has not answered her calls that I am aware of, She has come to my house to talk to him- which I was stupid enough to let him do, and he left for Toronto Saturday afternoon and will be there for about a week.
The counselling session was good the C actually said he sees hope for us but right now I don't know if I will ever be able to trust again, I feel that the past 1.5 years have all been a lie. H told the c that he has been unhappy for 2 yrs. The C told him that from the moment the OW came into the picture that he must take all responsibility for his unhappiness and if that is the case then we as a couple only share the weight of unhappiness for 6 months.
I never thought it would. I even thought you might reply "O grose". 