Re: confused2005 I am (use to be) a very sexual person and after reading the book I realize that I have to be pro-active. So for the past few days I have been the one initiating things wanting to ML and just cuddling holding hands rubbing his back)but he now just feels so cold towards me, if this is how I made him feel for 2 years I am so sorry because this sucks!
Don't go from 10 miles per hour (MPH) to 60 MPH and expect your spouse to go with the flow. I suggest doing little things so you two are relatively close in performance.
In sporting events where the score is almost even, people seem to enjoy the game more. Some people even complain when the score is almost one sided. ( you go for sex 10 times a month and H only seems interested 2 times in a month) If your current frequency for sex, cuddeling, holding hands is x times a month, try a 10% increase at first so you begin to establish new patterns.
I think alot of my problems started when we moved into his mom's house (this was 2 years ago) while our house was being built, I just felt that i couldn't be myself there and i felt like I was a kid again(living at home) His mom's house was a problem for you. Maybe the responsability of paying for everything in the new house is a problem for him.
Your housing situation was similar to mine. We lived in my MIL house for over a year. They were snow birds (people who have a winter home in a warm climate) for 8 months of the year so we had the house to our self those 8 months and shared the house for 4 months.
When our house was finished, my W/BB said I changed. I started to work a lot of overtime to pay for new furniture, window coverings, things in the yard and there were toddler items that were needed and had to be paid for.
BB liked the new house but resented that I did not have as much time for her. The second kid came along and I worked more. After that, her sexualiry declined, I felt rejected and that was the beginning of the decline of romance for both of us. Nothing drastic, no big events to remembed as "lost love" points until I worked myself into a back surgery.
I am not saying your situation is the same as mine was, just pointing out two things that might give you insight as to what went wrong and some things to avoid.
Really, I would just improve the sex and romance a little at a time for two reasons. a) Let your H get back up to speed. b) If you put a lot of work in anything and see few changes for your effort, either you become discouraged and cut back too much or you become resentful because you feel you are doing all of the work.
