GEL,

Ok, gonna be my lovely blunt self here with ya k?
Please. I do value your comments greatly.

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Personally, I think you are placing too much assumption as to the "why" she didn't tell you about the Dr's appt. You are assuming she didn't want you there...did you ask her? If you didn't, don't assume it.


No. The "I forgot about it" was the reply I got when she arrived home late and explained she had an appointment, and I asked "Didn't we agree I would come along the next time?"

Now I could harp on questioning if she'd really forgot, or if that was just a convenient excuse for not having me there. Does it matter? Not really in my opinion. If she did, she's might not admit to that. If she really forgot about it, while she knows it was important to me, then she didn't find it important enough herself. Either way, it doesn't make a difference really if she did it on purpose or not. I simply told her that I didn't like not being there with her. That's the important message.

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I see you tiptoeing and that's not productive.


Trust me, I have been less then tiptoeing at times. I have been angry, yelled. Calmly put down ultimatums and set boundaries. The reason for me to now pull out and tiptoe is self preservation. I do bad when I get angry or upset, so 'tiptoeing' is just as much protecting myself from getting upset.

My current 'firm' resolution is emotional withdrawal, and not letting anything get to me. will that 'work' or make things better for me? Well, for me personally, it has now given me some kind of calm, a sense of personal resolve. Will it improve the R? No idea. How long can I keep this up? No idea, time will tell.

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That's why you need to sit down and have a "no bull" conversation...a loving/supportive one....but you need to be assertive too "this needs to be done."


This I agree with. Thanks for hammering it in. It's something I have long been ambivalent about. It's nice to hear people explicitly saying what you've been pondering if you should / should not, and to hear it from someone who's detached from the R and emotions.


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I repeat, it's not disrespectful.


Yeah. I do have reservations here, but yes, I see how you're right. *hammer* *knock*