Re: darlingnicky Is it me or do you feel like you are the only one ever talking? I feel like I am doing 80% of the R conversations. My problems might be a little different. I say what I see thee problem is and then BB gives an excuse and names something she wants or can't do. It yes, but in our house.
That feeling like no progress is being made is common. I think about 90% of the long term posters experience it. I do remembed some women posters that seemed to be able to work out most of the R problems in a couple of months but they had cooperative and motivated H's.
About the list thing. Make a long list and a short list with simple things you want. Show H your "dream List but only give him the shor list. Also say you need only 10% 20% of the things on the list to be happier.
One book I read has several lists and because of the sheer number of items on each list, I thought I was never going to be good marriage material for any woman. Well, the book said that most people are good marriage material if you only meet 20% of the items on the many lists in the book. Here is a link The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Here is another link to more listsMarriage Builders� Forms and Questionnaires Click on the questionnaires on the left side of the screen. The first one is "Emotional Needs" Print out two sets and each one fill out what you want. Remember there are no right or wrong answers and I bet if some needs get a little better they will not be such a sore spot.
Good luck getting your H to fill his out. It might be tough for him to look at the questionnair without getting up tight or he might be worried he can't do some of the things. If you are like most people here, If you see someone really trying as opposed to saying they are trying, your hopes go way up.
I will have to admit my questionairs are not filled out. I still see them as test I would have a difficult time passing. I need to see them more like "what if I could have things my way and my SO would be happy too."
In other words kind of like an imaginary fishing trip. Where do you want to go, how long, what do you want to take along, what kind of fish are there, and how do you catch them?
