Re:darlingnicky but wonder if all this "trying" is just a way to feel validated if we do eventually end our marriage. At least we can say we "tried" to fix things and it just didn't work out. Yes we can honestly say we tried but staying married and working on the R is good experience if the M does ever break up for your next R.
You have to fix what you can and you have to learn why your M is poor. If you don't most/many of the old problems will show in your next R.
Did you ever make a list of "must haves" " Think I really need" "would be nice" "think ir is normal" "would be nice" "would like to do someday" "icing on the cake" "once every 5 years" and so on? did you ever show it to your H?
I fantasize about H and i just having a good time, getting drunk and going to F like rabbits, but we know that'll never happen!!! Make your fantasy list and show it to your H. How about a couple (2) of drinks. Some people become someone else with more alcohol. If you think it will never happen that is a problem too. It might happen in a scalled down version. Would that be OK with you?
