faithandhope- I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know this is the worst possible pain and fear you could imagine. But I promise you, you are going to be ok. You will. Just worry about today. One day at a time. Alot of us have felt before that this time is it. It's over. And you know what? It wasn't. Your H is conflicted. He has been lying to you, telling you he still loves you, yet doing these aweful things. He is letting himself be controlled by his emotions of the moment, whatever they are. That is destructive. So you can't help him control his emotions, but you can be sure not to let your emotions control you and be destructive. Your feelings are real, they are valid, and THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Your H is making very poor choices. Unfortunately they affect you and your kids. But you can't control that. You can only know that these choices will come back to haunt him. But meanwhile, you make choices for you and your kids. Don't discuss your R with your H. I remember the days of extreme history revision, instigation of fights, complete defensiveness and attacking, and horrible things being said. You know what? I don't think my H can even recall it all. Your H's emotions are on a roller coaster too. Remember, with WAS's you have to really filter what they say, and don't hardly believe any of it. Including that he is determined to D. He may change his mind the next day. Who knows? Just do not let him bait you into arguing, defending himself or any of that. Any thing he can use to defend himself and justify his behavior, he will. Because in his heart he knows it's wrong and he can't stand to believe what he is doing, so his method of coping is to seek out to justify it to himself. So I recommend you use this time coming up to really mend yourself, get your PMA going, get centered and calm. When he comes home you are going to need to be a rock and not get sucked into his whirlwind. You can do this. To start, just deal with the intense emotions you have, and know this isn't about you right now. Your H's head and heart are bouncing all over the place. He can't get it together and you can't do it for him. You can only not let him pull you in to the nonsense. Don't participate. First, get yourself OK. Then start thinking about how to deal with him. BIG GIANT HUGS TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I think reading Anna's thread may very well be good for you! Her humor would be good for your heart.
