H IN MIDLIFE CRISIS. EA WITH HIS BEST GIRL FRIEND FROM HIGH SCHOOL NOW H HAS BEEN STAYING WITH HER FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS. HIS BEHAVIOR TOTALLY CHANGED, PA SEEMS TO BE WHAT IS GOING ON NOW. VERY VERY DEFENSIVE ABOUT IT, BUT ADAMANTLY DENIES IT. HELP ME I AM GONG TO CRACK UP!!!!!
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I think the only way to survive is to try not to think about OW and that situation. My counsellor actually taught me a thought stopping technique where you release a kite, and I used it. Now when I think of them, I just say, "kite" and it does help most times. I think it is human nature to want to ask why, to try and snoop and find out all the nasty details, but it doesn't change anything. It just does your head in. I have learnt this the hard way, and still relapse, as recently as this morning But I really think the only way to survive sanely is to DB and not mention OW at all.
My H is in mlc and it is so hard when you are dealing with this. But you will survive, and you will come out a stronger woman. Hang in there. Just take it day by day and even hour by hour.
ok, this is coming from a guy that had a MLC, thinking i was a porno star going out with many women....... i remember i knew what i was doing but was not aware of it (does this make sense??????) i was not aware of the consequences, (it would be great to have a crystal ball, and to see how your were going to pay for your actions). if your H has a MLC, maybe that is what he is going through and (it sounds really, really stupid, i know) it is an experience he needs to live. ok, that idea is what gives me the strength to accept my WAW w/ OM. i know that maybe she is passionate now, but i know for a fact that she will see reality sometime...... just like i did. Her A, even if she marries, she will understand eventually..... and i will be there for her. now, this is what i am saying today, maybe in the future i will be somewhere else in my life. as a former MLC teenager, i recommend space for him..... i know it is the toughest thing on earth, but if you somehow find love within you, it is the best strategy. i am definitely no expert at this, but i wanted to communicate 2 u, what i lived and what i felt....
Breathe, don't crack up. It's not as much fun as it sounds.
How are you feeling today? Any better? Maybe just a little? If not, post here and really get it all out. Cause tomorrow you gotta start working on PMA.
Ya know?
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
How long did your MLC last? What made you snap out of it? I am coping, and working on me, have had a few babysteps this week in communication with H...yay me!! He even called me yesterday, and I just listened, kept my mouth shut, did not defend myself and honestly had a really pleasant conversation with him. He actually was sharing his feelings about things and I just listened, and made sure he knew I was listening. I did not try to correct his opinions or his "logic ". He sent me a text last night, and said he bought be a little gift. He actually got me something!!!!And he actually went out and bought the kids some stuff too and will be mailing us a box today. Up until now he has not really had much part of the family other then occasional phone calls and emails to the kids. The past 7 or so weeks that he has been away, he seemed to have been really detaching himself more and more. I have been giving him his space and letting him initiate the calls, emails, texts, etc. I have stopped asking questions. Yes it is so fricking hard!!!!! But the funny part is when I stop asking he gives information, if I ask, he says it is none of my business.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Feeling much better today thanks. I will not totally lose it, I know that there will be good days and bad ones. Today I have a PMA, and am working on ME
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I have been willing to support your decision to move to CA and look for a job. I helped to accomodate the trip for you if you remember. Part of the deal was that your mother would move out so I could rent the apartment out for extra income, that didn't happen either. I have had to compromise so that you could stay at your brother's house. I have been taking care of everything while your focus has been to look for a job. The deal was once you found a job you would help me to sell the house, and we would relocate so you would be able to have a relationship with your children. We agreed to work together so that there would not be any further hostility between us. We agreed to do this together for the sake of our children. You have been able to come and go as you please without any responsibilities, you make your occasional phone calls to the kids, send a few emails here and there. You check in with me and then you do your own thing. You have no accountability to anyone, and therefore you have your desire to be your own person. Everything you ever wanted. I feel duped by you because you and I agreed to certain boundaries, one of which you PROMISED no more hanging out or visits to Barbra until we were divorced. You do not understand or wish to acknowledge how you have made me feel. I find it ironic that you were there to comfort your "friend" in her time of need while her husband supposedly had an affair, but you can not see how your actions are affecting my life. In your head you feel you are innocent, that you are just "friends". Both you and I know that is a lie. Backed by the fact that your "friend" can not show any respect for our marriage, and has not done so for the past 2 years.There is obviously no moral compass. More bad habits you have picked up along the way. In fact she has helped tremendously to the demise of our marriage by her simple lack of consideration that your wife may be upset by it, therefore making things worse. Not once has there been an apology for your visit to Napa, when you and your friend planned your little get together in a king sized bed. Remember I was told she was happily married. All planned behind my back and your other little trip in May, when you took money from the family to be with your "friend" and sip on bobo juice. Both of these incidents very inconsiderate and selfish, but I guess your friend has taught you how to stop being the honorable man you once were. Yes, I did try to mend fences with your friend, but she was insincere, and only proved her true character. My words were turned around and I felt very used by someone who told me trust was a huge issue with her. Neither of you know the meaning of the word. You have completely shut off from your responsibilities at home and tell me I have nothing to be concerned about. This could be why you do not care that we have bills piled up, your wife and children are receiving food stamps and can not pay our mortgage this month. Considering your past history of lies and deceipt which are rationalized by the fact that your wife is a psycho bitch and pushed you into the arms of another woman, you feel you are justified by your actions. Your actions are unkind, cruel and inconsiderate. Your children are waiting patiently for the day when you will finally get a job and they can be with you. It may be time to start being a grown up which means facing up to the truth about this situation. If your intent is to stay in California to be with your "friend" who is your only support and will be there for you until she finds another man to be her emotional crutch, then fess up. If you do not want the children and I to move to California then this would also be a good time to speak up so that we can get on with our lives. Right now we are in limbo until you get a job. You are planning on coming to visit in October, my suggestion is that unless you have a job by that time, you should stay here in NH and at least help me to pack up and sell the house and help me to move somewhere more affordable, if not in California. On a side note, your 'friend" should be made aware that your cell phone will be off and that this time will be for your children not for her problems, I am sure she can manage without you for a week or so. I am being frank "your friend likes frankness", rational and considerate. There is no bitchiness, or any threat of any kind. I just want to know what I am to expect. An apology from you and your "friend" would be nice, but I will not hold my breath. Some consideration would be wonderful. Encouragement, maybe I am pushing my luck. How about just some type of plan of action. Thank you for your time,
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
WELL MY SITUATION HAS BECOME MAJORLY COMPLICATED. H IS IN FULL BLOWN AFFAIR WITH HIS "FRIEND". THE TRUTH IS NOW OUT, AND I AM BESIDE MYSELF. MY HEAD IS RUNNING IN CIRCLES, HOW THE HELL CAN HE DO THIS TO OUR FAMILY>? HAS HE NO GUILT NO REMORSE NOTHING? ALL THE TIME PLAYING ME FOR A FOOL AND TELLING ME THAT THERE WAS NOTHING GOING ON. TELLING ME THAT HE LOVED ME AND CARED ABOUT ME. ALL OF THE SIGNS WERE THERE, BUT I IGNORED THEM ALL AND LIVED IN DENIAL. NOW I AM LEFT IN THE WAKE OF THIS DISASTER HE HAS CAUSED THE FAMILY, ME AND 8 KIDS, NO INCOME AND HE IS OFF HAVING A JOLLY GOOD TIME 3000 MILES AWAY WITH A HARLOT.
I AM SCARED OUT OF MY HEAD AND I CAN HARDLY THINK. I AM TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL. NOTHING MAKES SENSE.'ALL OF THE LIES AND THE DECEIT, I AM ANGRY I AM HURT.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
But I really think the only way to survive sanely is to DB and not mention OW at all.
