While you can hope, watch out what you say!!! My W's L argued that verbalizing this amounted to religious extortion to stay in the marriage.
Gabe, if I make it to FL--which would likely be in Jan or Feb, it will probably be near the Sarasota area because I have relatives there. Is this anywhere near you (or Briget )?
Hey there Wes! Good to see you posting and not just lurking (I could feel your presence thru the Force ).
I don't want her back as she is - we both need to grow to have a healthy R. Could have been work we did together in the M (I think), but now that the chips have fallen where they have, we had to do our work separately for now.
Martha, you're right - I didn't think this way until I had grown myself.
Hope, how do I keep up my PMA? Hmmmm. I remember when I ran track, every time I felt a headwind blowing, I'd lower into it and kick that much harder around the track. I don't know if its a survival tactic or a fighter's instinct, but we have to press that much harder in our GAL work on the hard days - for noone other than ourselves. B/c there is no one else to do this for us. Over time, it gets easier to do so.
Merrick, that's a ways from me, but Jan/Feb is manatee season, and thats a great kayaking area, so I could work in a fun weekend including a get-together. Keep me posted, would you?
Interesting. Over the past two days, I've had contact with XW's two FFs. One married in her late 20s came by my office to talk - all school/career stuff, but asked for my help, a recommendation, and advice. All stuff that kindof requires trust? Today I receive a brief email from her just inquiring about more school info. The other FF is the young 20s/t who partyied with her all summer. I received a friendly "hello" smile/nod from her. Nothing from either in several months, and now that.
Went furniture shopping briefly this afternoon. Trying to enjoy it, but I'm not much of a shopper.
Shop for furniture on the internet. Seriously. I got some really good buys, quality stuff, too. And you can do it from the comfort of your own home in your p.j.'s with a beer.
Quote: Just finished a hard workout. Hope it helps me sleep tonight.
In some of the reading I do when I'm not asleep I've come across the idea that exercise too close to bedtime is bad for sleep. When I used to go to the gym in the evening, I never noticed that. The sitch was so fresh then that I didn't need any help staying awake.
Just a thought.
Thanks,
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
At dropoff last night, XW went to a different location than the one I suggested, then insisted that I drive S6 to where she was, as she just couldn't drive over to us due to her car being stuff she was moving, noting it wasn't safe. I didn't argue, and we drove over. When we got there, XW was grabbing dinner inside (it was a fastfood restaurant parking lot). She came out within a few minutes, and I felt a mixture of irritation and pity for her, as she now eats a lot of take-out crap and looked exhausted. Don't get me wrong - she's still gorgeous, just not up to her past standard.
Well, when she asked S6 to sit in the front seat, I noted "Do you have the airbag turned off?" She said, "No, do you know how to?" I replied, "No, but I'm sure the manual talks about it." That's where I messed up. I let my anger at her willingness to put him in harms way derail my ability to give assistance when asked, however poorly.
Then I slipped further, noting, "S6 mentioned when I asked him to strap in my truck, that you allow him to ride w/out his seatbelt on long trips. Is that true?" XW rolled her eyes and said "No! Of course not! I've gotta go." I replied, "Good. B/c that would really put him in danger." Reality is that she was lying, as S6 was very matter of fact and clear about it. I want the XW back who would take a bullet for S6. Why can't she think beyond herself sometimes?
Another snafu: I called and left a message on her VM, noting that as his class was going to Mass the next morning, he needed to wear his tie. As I signed off, I slipped into program mode and said "love you", caught it and, laughed, saying "whoops, sorry about that, have a good night" or s/t to that effect.
I fretted over my mistakes, called LostinLimbo, and was advised to let it go. Can't undo the past, gotta focus on the present. At pickup, XW was late but cheery. She came out of her car, I was positive to her and S6, and she talked briefly about his school performance and I joked about him seeing me as a walking handerchef, as he had walked up to me and wiped his poptart smeared hands on my shirt and pants. She asked if I noticed how much easier the commute is from her condo to his school. I smiled, chuckling to myself how there was no thought to the reality that the house hasn't moved, and going near her condo to pick up S6 adds another 20 min to my getting him to school. She looked tired but hot.
I've noticed that you're in a harsh mood with XW lately.
I know it's wrong to put a child in the car with no safety belt (I had to travel in taxi's with no safety seat when DD4 was tiny because I couldn't carry a seat, so in effect I put her at risk every day of the week but as a disabled single mother, at that time there was no other option).
Also the buses we went on had no seat belts etc. Still don't.
I'm not defending her and I see why you're worried but it seems to me like every argument you have is to do with S6.
It is the same with my XH and me, it is the reason I don't try to see my other kids more, the reason I stopped home educating my kids and left everything up to him, because whatever I did, he would find fault that I wasn't looking after 'his' children properly.
She says you're not proud of her mothering because you're not. I've read your posts and I can feel the condemnation - it reminds me a lot of how my XH responds to me as a mother. I have often thought he should have chosen a different mother for his kids if he was that bothered.
It might help you to know that Andy's control over the kids and lack of respect for me as a mother was one of the motivating factors in me calling it off with him.
I simply cannot be with someone who isn't proud of me.
Of course you are concerned for your son, but I just think there is a gentler way to go about things and if that continues, you won't get your XW back.
I understand your concern, but I agree with Jo, you might as well have posted on a big neon sign or sky writing..."I think you are a bad mother!" What's done is done, but you've got to find a way to curb your commentary about her parenting. And whether your son is right or not, mentioning "S6 told me" is a definite no go. YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER HER. Unless you get full custody and she has supervised visitation you can't control those things.
But as you said..it's in the past. But are you going to learn from it?
Sorry so harsh, but these parenting criticisms are going to kill your chances if you continue.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I hear you and agree. That part of me needs to be shut down, at least around her, but hopefully altogether, as even hidden judgments can flavor my behavior toward her. No more spewing of my anxieties re S6 around her.
Big event: She left the house keys and garage door opener in my box. No note, nothing.
Latter in the afternoon, she called to ask for the RO case #. She intends to either alter or dismiss the RO. I didn't ask, as to me it is insulting and irrelevant. I thanked her for my keys.
I asked a friend to go out to dinner with me tonight, as I intend to see the house this evening, moving in tonight and tomorrow. I can already feel the emotion bubbling up. Much more sorrow than excitement, but I need to make it as much my own as I can, as I'll have S6 there starting Sat morning. I'll work in some time to express whatever comes out so that it doesn't happen so much while he's there. Instead, we'll be celebrating our fresh start.
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I've come across the idea that exercise too close to bedtime is bad for sleep. When I used to go to the gym in the evening, I never noticed that. The sitch was so fresh then that I didn't need any help staying awake.