I guess we are tired of fighting heartache and pain and wondering what the hell is wrong with the X?
At least, though you cannot always control it, you understand her moods and yours have little to do with each other. And her WA behavior, like all WA, is selfish.
Thanks again for your kind response on my thread...
It means alot to me---
I was thinking today about what you said, and what if our WAS' actions are not ALL about us?
What if they are all about their own personal fears?
It would not mean that we feel any less pain...
But, perhaps it is not as much about what we are not, as much as it is about what THEY are not...
It is more about their confusion, fears, and unhappiness.
It does still hurt and often feels like rejection, but with time--- We will see more and more that it is NOT about us. This is something that is happening with them.
It is NOT specifically about us...
Gabe... it is so great to see you doing fun things this past weekend... You deserve it! It is so obvious what an incredible man and father you truly are!
Your friend, KIM
I got a lot out of your post. For me, there is much truth in that possibility about my XW. I feel for her, as she's not the woman I fell in love with and married. She's fallen in so many ways, yet deep inside, I know that those wonderful qualities/characteristics are still there. I believe in a higher power, and in some divine plan, and I don't think XW's hard life has to overcome her. Instead, she can defeat this depression, MLC, or whatever it is, and return to being a great person again.
Whether we ever end up together again is another matter. But I do wish that for her. I wish for her to get to heaven above all.
But I have to let her go to keep on keepin on myself. Gotta work on myself, keep myself on the straight and narrow, and show my little guy how to get there, too. I pray for her daily.
Just finished a hard workout. Hope it helps me sleep tonight.
Quote: But I have to let her go to keep on keepin on myself. Gotta work on myself, keep myself on the straight and narrow, and show my little guy how to get there, too. I pray for her daily.
That's the whole key right there, my man...that's the whole thing.
Quote: I feel for her, as she's not the woman I fell in love with and married. She's fallen in so many ways, yet deep inside, I know that those wonderful qualities/characteristics are still there.
Are you sure about that? Maybe you are finally seeing the real her. It's worth asking
Your doing well and your attitude sounds great. Remember, of the two of you, you are the one that is the catch...not her. She should be chasing after you.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Quote: What a horrible question. That's one of my biggest fears, that the ass my XH is now is who he really is. That would just be horrible.
No one is the sum of their behaviors. The X may act selfish or like an ass, but that doesn't define them. But it is worth asking yourself if perhaps during this period of growth whether the one we want back in our lives is really the person for us anymore. I've heard it said many times on here that "I wouldn't take him/her back as they currently are", but to love unconditionally is to accept him/her for how they are and have no expectations that they will change for the better to suit you or anyone else. So you do need to ask..."is this what I want?"
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Quote: I've heard it said many times on here that "I wouldn't take him/her back as they currently are", but to love unconditionally is to accept him/her for how they are and have no expectations that they will change for the better to suit you or anyone else. So you do need to ask..."is this what I want?"
I couldn't state this any better, Wes. You really hit the nail on the head.
I believe that it is when we get to this point we have actually done some growth. There is nothing wrong with allowing the scales to fall from our eyes and take a good hard look at reality, all of it, including ourselves. Until we reach this point, it is difficult to move forward.
This describes where I was at with SO. I was seeing him, and us, and myself, in a more realistic light. And when this happened, I was able to come to the understanding that it was still within my ability to live a happy and productive life, with or w/out SO.
So I agree. This is a question we must all be willing to ask.
Very true. I guess in my own way I have been doing this. Really looking at things outside of my love for XH. Asking myself if he were to stay like this from now on, could I still love him and be happy being with him. The answer depends on the day. Very hard question to answer.
