So glad to hear I was your "angel falling from the sky at just the right time"... You mentioned that your XW continues to hold you responsible for her depression and unhappiness... In my opinion, her "dissatisfaction with life" (ie: depression and unhappiness) has more to do with a stage SHE is going through with herself and has LITTLE to do with you... It seems she is going through a period of questioning what she wants out of life and a time where she is showing signs of depression (ie: smoking again, drinking more often, less exercise, etc.)... Your XW definitely seems "grumpy" and unhappy... Unfortunately, as SHE sees it--- it was mostly b/c of you. It looks like she is dissatisfied with just about EVERYTHING and is desperately trying to change things and control things in an effort to make herself feel happy again. If only she would change HERSELF inside and stop looking to change you... Instead, she has been spending a great deal of her time focusing on YOUR flaws and is making them "bigger than life" and the target for all her bad feelings... She seems to think getting rid of you will mean all her problems will be over...
Gabriel, you are NOT the cause of your XW's unhappiness! I am sure there were things about your marriage that could have been improved and you are not PERFECT---(imagine that... you are NOT perfect! Gray hair and all! )... But, the emotions your XW is pinning on you have MUCH more to do with HER and the way SHE is handling her life right now. She feels so bad about herself and she is choosing to dump it onto you. (Sounds quite similar to my situation with STBXH... I am 99% convinced he is going through a MLC) Your XW's behavior is so similar to my STBXH in that they both were looking for an "easy way out"--- The funny tning is that although we are no longer a part of their everyday lives, they are still NOT happy! Obviously, we were not the ones causing their unhappiness b/c they still sound MISERABLE!
IMHO... you have to feel centered and good enough about yourself to not allow your XW's negative comments about you to define you. Her accusations are NOT a reflection of you... They are a reflection of the hurt and pain SHE is experiencing right now. Gabriel... you have every reason to be proud of how YOU are handling yourself, your strength, and the incredible man you have grown into... Your "So. Cal. Friend", KIM
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