Betsey - enjoy the scalp job. Thanks for the props about my fathering.
Merrick, I know the companionship thing is rough. I'm not ready to face/invest in a worthwhile R with someone, and I'm really valuing my self-worth/esteem that I've built up since the S/D, and not willing to dangle it in the dating game just yet.
Kim, you are like an angel falling from the sky at just the right time. Thank you for your comments! And you're right, I'll keep the hair natural.
Kim, you mentioned that XW is mourning the loss of an R with me. That is very true, and I need to be patient in that regard. She has a ton of anger and is still twisting history into a blame-game directed at me. Current versions of this include any communication about S6 turned into an "attack" on her parenting. Basic stuff like my request that she not use pull-up diapers on a 6-yr-old who's been dry day and night with me for 5-6 mo (he regressed a bit after the S), because I view it as stunting his development.
Anyway, a mutual friend told me that XW was dating a guy for 6-8 wks, then it ended (she wasn't sure by who), with XW claiming that he was a jerk, self-centered, and had a wandering eye: eerily familiar descriptions! She also noted that XW is pulling out of dating for a bit, has started smoking again (she quit when we were in the dating phase at my request), is drinking hard on days she doesn't have S6, and isn't exercising as much as she had. FF said XW thinks I'm convincing S6 to want his family back together, brainwashing him to pray for it. Isn't it at all feasible to a WAS that children can want their family and can dislike D?
This Friday she'll be closing on her condo, moving in this weekend. As of Fri, her magic piggy-bank of funds will be gone, and she'll have to live on salary and CS alone. I know the focus should be on me, and that she may still be falling toward her "rock-bottom."
Last night, we talked by phone (I had to call her re adjusting visitation this week), and had a nice convo, with XW sharing about work, us talking politics, and talking about S6. When I said that I respected her as a mother, she said, "No you don't." I asked what she meant, and she couldn't explain. Just a vague complaint that I couldn't understand. So I noted that 'sometimes we disagree, and I communicate what I believe to be right, knowing you may disagree, but that I hope we can openly communicate about him, b/c we both want whats best for him.' I repeated that I think she's a great mother. She seemed to relax, and shared more about her work (I was having flashbacks to her overfocus on work in our M - if only our convos were about us!!!). I asked if she was doing alright, and she said yes. Perhaps some missteps - I'm not sure: I tried to reassure her about my ability to be there for her without being judgmental(no response on her part). I also worked into some lighter moments how dating had hilarious moments - but the attempt fell like a lead balloon, and I dropped it. At a few points, she noted that she had to get back to work, but then started a new piece to the convo. I ended the convo by noting that it was getting late.
There is no false hope in me. XW continues to paint herself as 'recovering' from an 'abusive' M/R. She continues to hold me responsible for her past depression/unhappiness, although the good news is that Ex-OM seems to have some of that role now. While XW repeats her exploration of other grass - weeks and all, my job is to stay self-focused, keep building myself in a positive way, and keep my little boy safe and happy.
Thanks for the props about my fathering. 
