I picked up S6 Sat morn, and XW and I chatted briefly. She noted that she was going to a Buddhist temple to meditate (this actually would be great if she could accomplish some ability to quiet and focus inward - didn't see this in 12 yrs). I commented that I was going to DC for a peace rally, and when I noted that I was negotiating for additional seating on a bus/train for folks, she stated that she'd like to go. It seemed very spontaneous but not well-thought out, as she' suppposed to move that weekend, plus she'll have S6, who won't do all that well with 10+ hrs in transit one-way. We chatted briefly about war stuff, but it had a superficial feel to it - like XW was competing with me or s/t. I stayed relaxed, noncommital and nondirective, ending with a "well, let me know."
When we left, I discovered that she hadn't packed his school shoes again, so I called her and we agreed that she'd take him to school on Mon morning instead, bringing his shoes wit her. This cost her ~1hr of driving, but she accepted it as her problem due to her forgetting his shoes.
S6 and I had a great weekend, fitting in lots of play, family stuff, and planning for our house.
At dropoff this morn, XW looked unhappy and rough. With no makeup on, she really is starting to show the effects of her partying/ summer fun. I do still love her, as it hurt to see her this way. She was so much more beautiful while we were together. I kept my PMA and tone of voice up, letting S6 have a bearhug and when I shouted out, "Have a great day, XW", she looked up and smiled.
S6 and I had a fun time this pm. We got our hair cut. I've noticed that the longer my hair gets, the grayer it looks. I'm tempted to dye it. If Brad can turn a different shade every week, what about me?? Splurged on a shampoo/scalp massage cause the woman doing my hair was hot. Okay - about how much lower will this D sink me? Now I'm paying to have a woman touch me??? Anyway, S6 and I left looking sharp.
After going to the library, we went to my place,played, colored, and made some very early Halloween cookies (his idea) after supper.
At dropoff, XW and I were talking about a few things, and she looked relaxed while doing so. Then S6 came over to us and said, "Mom, do you have your keys? Cause I locked the car." Yep, it was locked tight and still running, and when I offered to drive her to the house (RO and all) to get the 2nd pair, XW noted that that key set also was in the car. I stayed relaxed, cause this was her problem now. I offered to watch S6 while she went to call AAA, which she did. While she waited, I walked S6 over to the grocery store, let him use the restroom, and we bought XW a water, as she had just finished running, and looked tired and thirsty. Instead of giving the water to S6 to hand to her, I did so, and she said thank you. We watched the AAA guy work to get into the car, and XW and I noted how I made a metal contraption in 5 min to unlock the same car 3 yrs ago when she locked it with then 3yo S6 inside. She looked at me differently when I pointed out to the guy that he'd have to get in from the top of the window, which he did after failing for 20 min to open in with several sets of tools from different areas.
As we left, XW thanked me for waiting with her. She laughed about a few S6 circus stories I shared. She noted that she decided to not attend the peace rally, and that she was hoping to move this weekend, meaning I might be into the house next week!!!!!
Odd, but I don't feel crushed, overly sad about her moving. Maybe it will hit later when I'm there.
I remember when I used to lock my keys in the car almost weekly. I developed a habit of looking at the key in my hand before I close the door, and I still do it today. Haven't locked my keys in the car in a while (knock on plastic), but then again, I don't park the car in the woods next to the keg as often as I did back then, either.
Love the way you handled that. Especially letting the "expert" flail away at a problem you knew you'd solved before, and only then stepping in to set him straight.
Glad you guys had fun at the circus. We're going to have D10's friend with us all weekend, so you're off the hook for dinner with the gang in DC. The friend's family is moving her grandparents and needed her out of the way, essentially. She and D10 are great friends, so I agreed right away to have her stay with us. But the next time you come to town, we'll be waiting.
Thanks,
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
Gee, Gabe, you're making me feel pretty weird now...
Quote: Okay - about how much lower will this D sink me? Now I'm paying to have a woman touch me???
Uh, my hair stylist has always thrown them in as part of my "treatment". Of course, I pay her big bucks to take care of me, but I'd be willing to pay her to give me good scalp... (I am careful to use the proper verbiage here )
Since I've always been a fan--even while married--does this mean I sunk a long time ago? And how low can I go?
Quote: Maybe it will hit later when I'm there.
I'm glad you acknowledge that this might happen. I know it's true for me 99% of the time. After the initial shock and sadness have sunk in, then I react. It sucks.
But I'm hoping your good PMA carries you through...
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Sounds like a nice interaction. It's a start. I guess the little guy is looking out for you afterall, just look how conveniently he locked the keys in the car.
No advice for you. I think you have your act together.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Quote: I'd be willing to pay her to give me good scalp... (I am careful to use the proper verbiage here )
Ha! Betsey, you are hilarious. And point taken - if I have to pay for it, why not! (j/k ) However, as I'm nowhere near reconciliation, and I'm not ready for dating yet, I think I'll work in some day spa visits.
I'm pretty sure a LL of mine is PT, so I'm a bit starved in that department. I wonder if a person develops appreciation for the other LLs in such a dilemma? Kind of like increased sensitivity to sound and touch when one's sight is lost.
At pickup, I pumped up the PMA. When XW stayed in the car, I ran over to S6, gave him a big bear hug and swung him around a few times, getting some laughs and squeals. I caught XW watching when I stopped suddenly and bent down to wave, smile, & shout "hey!" to her. XW seemed to linger a bit, and circled the truck with her car 1.5 times (odd) while I was helping S6 into his seat. As I was looking good and wearing snug slacks, maybe she was checking out my arse? I don't think my bods looked this good since we were just friends. Feel bad about letting myself go during the M - she deserved better than that from me.
On the way to school, S6 asked me if I wanted our family to 'get back together.' I asked if that's what he wanted, and he replied 'if you do.' I noted that I love him very much, and he said, 'And you love XW very much, too?' I replied, 'Yes, S6, I love her very much as well.' S6 asked how many people I knew were praying for our family, and I said "A lot', rattling off some names when he asked. He smiled. Then he noted, 'But Mom has to choose to get back together or not, huh?' 'That's right, S6. We each have our choices to make, every step of the way.' He seemed focused on it a bit more than usual, but to have a rather realistic view of things - e.g., there will be no quick fix. I was glad to see our convo shift and stay with lighter kid stuff for the rest of our way.
I'm a bit pooped today due to less sleep again, but I'm excited about working in some new exercises when I workout. It's paying off - had 2 younger women comment on my build in the past 5 days. I think XW is noticing, too. I'm not sure, but I think I caught her being a little flirty with me nonverbally in terms of posture and closeness yesterday eve. Gotta be careful, especially with the RO in place, but I'll see if closeness can be increased when the opportunity presents itself in the future. I'll think about staying relaxed and confident, with maybe her increased confidence and sense of safety allowing it.
Sounds like you've got a good attitude here. Your S6 sounds like a really swell kid. He just may be the most level headed 6 year old I've heard of. And your answers totally rock. You're not maligning his mom, but you're able to be truthful too.
If anything--no matter what--you're being mindful of how others hear your message, and that has got to work in your favor.
Hey, I'm getting some good scalp tomorrow myself. I can hardly wait!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Quote: I'm pretty sure a LL of mine is PT, so I'm a bit starved in that department. I wonder if a person develops appreciation for the other LLs in such a dilemma? Kind of like increased sensitivity to sound and touch when one's sight is lost.
Absolutely.
In some of my earliest posts I commented on how it had been three months, four months, six months since I ML and I was pulling my hair out! Now after two years , Iit's the intimacy of ML that attracts me, not just the pure physical pleasure--I want to know there's someone inside that other person that I care about.
However, I have also that how sometimes a simple touch from another woman can get my juices stirred, almost like a narcotic. This is not every touch, but it happens enough to get ideas in my head--and I don't want to end up chasing the narcotic at this point.
So I think you are correct. One cannot only survive the loss of aprimary love language, but the pure knowledge of LLs can enable one to strenghten their appreciation of the other LLs, not only for us, but how we treat others.
And don't foreget to apply LL's with S6. My D7 frequently gives me pictures she draws. I wasa thinking of drawing one of myself for her (which I will do), but as I looked at the barren walls in my apartment that needed decorating, I thought what better place to place her artwork. Whe she saw her latest picture on her last visit, she just beamed --and best of all, inside I knew it wasn't just because she was proud of the picture, but because I gave so much attention to her show of love. I'll take that to the bank any day.
The friend's family is moving her grandparents and needed her out of the way, essentially. She and D10 are great friends, so I agreed right away to have her stay with us. But the next time you come to town, we'll be waiting. 
Betsey 
I don't think my bods looked this good since we were just friends. Feel bad about letting myself go during the M - she deserved better than that from me.
, Iit's the intimacy of ML that attracts me, not just the pure physical pleasure--I want to know there's someone inside that other person that I care about.