Yeah - no brownie pts for me. I truly need to stop walking on eggshells with her and just be friendly regarding topics concerning our son, expecting her to be cooperative rather than not.
Now, I'm not expecting her to provide for his clothing during visits. I buy and launder several sets of outfits for him. The problem is that when I dress him in playclothes after school, and he goes home in those, they don't get returned. So over time, I run out of clothes. When I ask for sets of clothing to be sent over, she tends to pack up only his grubbies, and I'm left to repurchase new nice stuff.
I need to find a way to be assertive about this in a nice, friendly manner. Any scripts I can use?
Went to GA to explore a kayak sale and talk to folks very into the sport, then went kayaking today for a few hrs - very relaxing. Its so easy to forget a lot while out on the water.
S5 and I talked on the phone tonight, then XW called and we talked for about 45 min about their weekend camping trip, and various issues related to him. It was all nicely cooperative. She apologized for not getting school uniforms for him sooner, and noted that she just ordered some clothes and purchased shoes for him. We had several laughs, touched on some serious topics like my father's health, and I had the chance to compliment and thank her for her specific efforts, and tell her that I was impressed with her interviews.
When she brought up how S6 prayed nightly for our family to get back together, she showed great maturity in noting that it was important to respect his opinion. No mention of "no way" and it was nicely focused on his well-being.
Quote: I buy and launder several sets of outfits for him. The problem is that when I dress him in playclothes after school, and he goes home in those, they don't get returned.
Did I post that, or did you? I called STBXW this morning to ask about S5's swim trunks, which didn't come home with him. She knew right away that they weren't with him, didn't even pretend to be unsure. And all the new clothes I bought at the beginning of summer, some of which I saw on him when I did catch sight of him in August, are MIA from the suitcase she brought yesterday.
When you get that script, let me know, please.
Thanks,
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
I don't have suggestions. I had the same experience and basically just kept hoping that my kids would cycle through their wardrobe til they got to their nicer stuff. Since they stay the night, they arrive in clothes they wore at their mom's house and leave in stuff from mine, so our stuff kind of cycles through both houses. If there are times you need nice clothes, just say..."we're going to church could I get ahold of 'x' outfit since he doesn't have any dress clothes over here." Or just tell her that because he changes out of his uniform (I presume that's what happens) then goes to your house, I end up with no clothes over here. Could I get a couple nice sets? Or you can change him back to whatever he was wearing when you picked him up and send him back in that.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Actually, those are great suggestions and possible scripts. Thanks!
She looked rough around the edges this am, and was snappy. But I imagined that it was her stuff, and not me. She said hello in the hallway at work, gruffly, but nonetheless it happened, despite me walking w/ a cute, very young student. I focused on her as she approached (ignoring the student's nonstop chatter), and said 'hey there' to get the hello.
Saw on an online ad that XW is searching for bisexual women her age again. Here I think that she's stabilizing and then she goes off again. We were never in stereotypic male-female roles in our M, yet I still have faith in her interest in heterosexual activity. Maybe its mere exploration or reflects frustration with her dates with males or M to one, but then again, who knows? If she claims lesbian status, then I'm a moot point. But as good ol' UD used to say, this MLC mode is likely a 3 year process. The R is the R, even considering sexuality.
Very confident w/my male sexuality; disappointed with XW's continued inner chaos, yet convinced that some level of adolescence is being reworked.
Heard from a FF that XW said her RO placed against me was necessary cause I still had feelings for her, and that to her, I'm acting now like I "finally got the message" that we're over. Yeouuch! It also seemed like XW is expecting/looking for retaliation, and has taken my criticisms about her parenting as such. On the one hand, to her - my finally getting the message might mean that she's relaxing finally about any sense of pressure from me regarding our M/R. On the other hand, she seems pretty angry and done at the moment.
I'm still waiting for her house of cards to come crashing down. I'm imagining this to be in part financially driven - when her savings runs out, and in part relationally, as this friend said she was presenting herself as a very tame/demure person to males, while acting rather wild around women.
A rough reality check I'd rather not have known about, yet it may be good for me in terms of GAL. Given her continued MLC issues and needed work, I'm taking this as just another suggestion to drop the rope and GAL. I really have to stay positive and keep building.
Any advice/comments about MLC and bisexuality exploration?
You are doing the right thing by staying positive and moving forward. I am always amazed by how positive and focused you remain even when things become stresseful. Hopefully, wife will see the light sooner that later. This whole ordeal has taught all of us patience--that is for sure. Hang in there.
Hey there Sam! I'm honored that you've stopped by, let alone with some compliments. I am indeed learning patience, despite all my efforts to the contrary.
Busy day at work - was scheduled to attend a large grant lunch meeting, then XW called to tell me that S6 was getting out at noon for a school planning day. Just love those. I said alright after noting that I had a meeting, XW noted she had to teach, and I quickly caught myself and said 'no worries', and asked a secretary to watch him color while I jetted off. Good meeting, nice connections.
Then S6 and I had a great time together. Lots of hugs, playing, just letting loose. XW called at about 2 hrs til pickup letting me know she had made and left dinner for us in the work frig, and then noted that if we had already eaten (we had), that maybe I could have it myself another night. I noted that it was 'very sweet' of her to do so. Much more smiling, relaxed nature at transfer.
Had a monster workout last night, lifting & running longer that I usually do, and I'm oh so sore today. But that means good change is happening...
Spiritually, I've been trying to enjoy my R with God, just checking in w/ an internal convo, noting a sense of security, making a point to give thanks for all the good stuff happening in my life.
I am indeed learning patience, despite all my efforts to the contrary. 