Good job, Gabe! You did very well and handled the mental side of the interaction spot on. A friendly demeanor is always preferrable no matter who you're dealing with.
Woo-hoo! Made it through all of my classes today! None of my lectures were ones I'd write home about, but I got through 'em.
Its a nice feeling to be able to push through this kind of thing without having to lean on XW (or anyone else). Of course, I get lots of support from you all, and a few key friends in the 'real world', but I see myself as much more resilient now.
I'll see S6 bright and early tomorrow - maybe I'll take him out for breakfast. I hope to get to bed early tonight to sleep this cold off.
When I called to say g'night to S6, XW got on the phone to tell me about an eve interview about the storm. Very excited and chatty. I stayed positive, kept news about my recent interviews to myself to avoid some competitive air, and just listened.
At an early pickup to take S6 to school (helping her out so she could do an am interview), XW was 20 min late, but I kept my cool, was positive, and she chatted excitedly about a few things before I said goodbye. She forget S6's school shoes, and packed a weak assortment of clothes for his weekend with me. A FF told me that XW's sometimes do this to keep women from hitting on their X's, as it conveys self-centeredness: "Oh yeah, he looks great, but his kid is dressed like a pauper. What a jerk!" Luckily, I've been stock-piling clothes for him at my place just in case.
May sneak in some kayaking this weekend after visiting w/S6!
Date is postponed due to continued illness in (her) family. To be honest, I was a bit relieved, as I'm fighting off a cold. May take up another woman's offer for lunch, tho. May schedule that for later and just go enjoy the water.
Now that was all very smart. WOA and quality conversation (which for her, unfortunately for you, means she talks, you listen) I think will be key. WTG, keep it up. Hope you have a good weekend. I do believe it would be good for you to go to lunch with the other potential date.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Had a nice couple days with S6. We hung out at my place one eve, then went camping & kayaking at an oceanside campsite. Very nice to just lounge around and play with S6, who brought a set of action-figure toys to play with on the beach. It rained heavily last night on our campsite, so it was a bit soggy at packup, but otherwise a nice outing.
I felt a bit on edge the whole time, couldn't quite shake it, and just feel relaxed. Part of that may be that I went while still a bit sick, but the rest I think is just stress. It was a hard week. On the ride home, S6 said XW told him I have a GF. I told him no. He stated, "I know mommy had BFs cause she looks at them on the computer." Awww! I tried to change the subject, then S6 asked me, "Dad, do you want our family to get back together?" I replied, "What do you want, S6?" He stated, "I do if you do." I stated, "I'm looking forward to getting back into the house, S6. I don't want another R with another W right now, S6." When S6 said, "Dear God, please help my family not be apart", I had to look away (hard to do when you're driving) cause he had successfully triggered the emotion trapped inside of me all weekend.
At dropoff Sun am, XW arrived dressed like she had just gotten back from a night of partying. Looked like an 18yo girl, but I guess she's gotta figure out whether that's hip at 34 or not. I called her a few min later to discuss S6's school clothes sitch. Told her that on Fri am, found I could barely snap his pants, and his shirt collar was too tight as well. I asked her to buy him more school clothes, and then she complained about the cost. I stated that I've bought most of his school clothes and shoes over the past year, but that I was not going to do so anymore, as it was her responsibility according to the D agreement.
When she repeated the money issue, I said surely she couldn't be that broke, as she had $40k sitting in her savings just 4 mo ago. She started to slip into attack mode, saying I was condescending, so I pointed out, "XW, it makes me ill to have to point out your responsibilities to you. I hate having to do this, and the only reason I do is b/c of our son. He deserves better than too small of clothing. I know you can afford that, b/c I give you ample money to support him. I would like nothing better than to not have these kind of conversations." This seemed to sink in, and we ended the convo having successfully avoided escalation. A rough convo, but I was able to slip in here and there validations about her busyness and effort (acting 'as-if' partly on some of that), and it seemed to help keep the convo reasonably calm.
I'm heading out of town to check out a kayak sale, may paddle around a bit while there, before coming home in tomorrow night. Hope all of you are doing well.
Quote: This seemed to sink in, and we ended the convo having successfully avoided escalation.
I think you dodged a bullet there, pal. I know you have to speak up for your son, but as I was reading your post I thought you would begin to descibe an attack by X on you after that piece. Good for you, and if I may, good for her. She showed more maturity than some in recognizing your genuine concern for S6 is really about him, and not about her choices.
Glad you boys had a good time. Many more to both of you!
Thanks,
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
And good to hear from you. I get you - I was over the line more than a bit, yet I had to point it out for S6's sake. Not a peep from me about her parenting for the next few weeks, with the hope that she does the right thing.
I forgot to point out that XW has worked in criticizing of my kayaking and outdoor interests 3-4x in the past 2 mo, yet S6 told me that she took him camping last week. And lo and behold, when I took him kayaking, S6 pipes up, "Hey Dad! Mom took me on a boat like this last week!"
Is she dipping her toe in similar waters of interest to see what it's like? Bruce, I know, I know - I'm analyzing <Gabe covers his eyes with his hands to ward off the mechanical pencils>
You have major kahunas. My first X gets plenty, but I still provide at least 4-5 changes of clothes at my place. And no, I don't call my X and tell her it's her responsibility.
I don't know how you work overnights, but it is really nice for your S not to have to pack anything. So whatever way you work it, it is nice to have whatever he needs at your place so he truly has two homes.
Anyway, sounds like your X handled your confrontation well and you got out of it okay. You probably didn't earn many brownie points though.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Luckily, I've been stock-piling clothes for him at my place just in case. 
