The anger as you know, is not about you. Nonetheless, it still makes it very difficult to deal with, especially when you have no idea when it will strike. The tendency to defend oneself is very strong and though we know we should not always do so (there is a balance between defense and being pushed too far) rarely is there a long term benefit to a relationship when battling.
You do not want to give in to her every angry outburst, but at this time, there really is little you can do to placate her or get your point across effectively.
Try as impossible as it is, not to overreact and find balance and be consistent.
