It's hard to give feedback to you lovely women on this board when I truly believe my M is an anomoly of sorts (thanks, Lil) .
Most of you have not been through a separation. That experience will either kill the M for good and give birth to a new, better M. Lucky for us, it was the latter.
Neither my H nor myself believe we would be anywhere near the progress we have had of late if that separation did not occur. Does that mean you have to separate to make progress? No, I hope not. Maybe yes for some, though. Each situation is different.
I hope that my postings at least give you all something hopeful to focus on if it does come to separation for any of you. Things can improve SO MUCH when you remove yourself from the monotony of daily life as a M couple. It gives you new perspective that you just cannot get any other way.
My H and I are early into this reconciliation so anything can still happen. However, our attitudes are COMPLETELY different than they were 10 years ago, one year ago, one month ago. We are truly different people.
Getting back to LD/HD, Lil, you mentioned being one or the other INSIDE. I guess that is accurate but it implies that it is almost impossible to change. That it is just part of who you are.
If that is the case, than the only way to "attain" a HD H or W is for THAT PERSON to change themselves, no? They need to see themselves in a whole new way in order to see you and the M in a whole new way. I think I'm on to something.
Of course, people don't write books on that because it makes you feel powerless to change your S. Who wants to buy that book.
I need to think this through more. There certainly must be ways to achieve the M both people want without resorting to drastic measures like separation. Help me out hear people...! What am I going to do if and when things start to slip again in my M? Threaten to leave? Actually leave? Not a great way to get through a M. I'm going off an a bad tangent but that's what I do, overanalyze
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